A CRAPTACULAR BLOG EVENT!

It happened three times in less than 10 minutes of prime time TV last night.

AN INCREDIBLE MOVIE EVENT!

A SPECIAL TWO-HOUR TV EVENT!

A SPECTACULAR SALES EVENT!

Have you noticed this?

Here’s the formula used by marketing morons to make everyday shit sound extra super special:

Poly-Syllabic Adjective + Benign Noun or Vowel + ‘Event’
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One of my biggest grammar-related peeves is when people use extra words or syllables.

It’s not a movie event. It’s a movie.

It’s not a TV event. It’s a show.

And it’s not a SPECTACULAR PRE-OWNED SAVINGS EVENT.

It’s a USED CAR SALE, ya fatuous fuck-knob.
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I know. Fatuous is a whole lotta syllables just to say silly but I liked the semi-alliterative sound, so shaddap.
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What’s worse, once you notice this irritating trend you can’t keep from applying the formula to your own mundane tasks.

Seriously. This morning, I was all:

GOOD MORNING, FOLKS! Are you READY? Because it’s TIME for an ELECTRIFYING BOWEL-EVACUATING EVENT!

Soon to be followed by a MINTYLICIOUS DENTAL CLEANSING EVENT!

Up next: A SOAP-O-RIFFIC BUTT-SCRUBBING EVENT!

And where do these silly marketers get all of their energy?

I was totally exhausted and needed a good cry by the time I got to this morning’s INSPIRING SOCK-APPLYING EVENT.
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I am listening to: All That I Want – The Weepies
I am reading: The Playboy Philosophy
And I am: In the midst of a REMARKABLE RAIL-RELATED COMMUTER EVENT