Waffles, anyone?

Okay, Sarah Palin is a lying little bitch. With a stinky crotch.

Well, maybe not that last part. But she's no good with the facts, that's for sure.

Please read this. And this. Oh, and this.

This is why we should never rely on our 'feelings' when it comes to political candidates. We need to investigate their background, their accomplishments, their ethics.

I broke my own rule. Never again.

Also: Here's a huge, heartfelt apology for Taxman. I'm sorry, sir. Feel better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: The rain
I am reading: Mists of Avalon by M.Z. Bradley
And I am: Feeling much better now

Big Red Boners, Laying Pipe: A Special HedyBlog RNC Update

I like Rudy Giuliani. I once thought he could be the next president.

But his speech at the Republican National Convention sucked.

He talked about terrorism. Because it's the only thing he's capable of talking about.

Sadly, somebody forgot to tell him that nobody cares about that stuff anymore.

It's 2008 -- not 2001 -- and I'm sorry to bring out this tired old Clinton-era phrase, but it's about the ECONOMY, stupid.

I don't know anyone who's worried about terrorists. But I know plenty of folks scared shitless about the economy.

It's not "Boy I sure hope Al Qaeda doesn't come back."

It's "Boy I sure hope I can make my mortgage payment this month."

We're not afraid of terrorists attacking our buildings, we're afraid of a very real, imminent threat: The shit-ass economy attacking our way of life.
~~~~~~~~~~
On the other hand, Sarah Palin was great.

She talked about laying pipe and drilling. And white, gun-toting men across America saluted her with a collective Big Red Boner.

Seriously, I didn't want to like her.

But she's genuine and tough and interesting. And, God bless her, she's capable of giving a roiling political speech without sounding like a caterwauling shrew.

She confronted the issue of experience head-on and in some respects, kicked 'community organizer' Obama to the curb.

Sure, she was a little disingenuous talking about the 'pride' involved with her 17-year-old daughter's unplanned pregnancy, but what the hell.

Oh, and then there's this: With a new special needs baby and an unplanned grandbaby on the way, was it right for her to accept the nomination for VP? What about her family? How will she manage all of this?

"Nobody's asking Barack Obama how he's managing his family while running for office, so it's not fair for us to question her decision to take on the role as VP, Hedy. It's sexist."

Bullshit.

Asking the question isn't sexist, it's honest. Because let's face it: Moms do everything. Dads are great, but Moms think of - and do - practically everything. It's what they do.

And that is precisely why I think Sarah Palin would make an excellent vice president.

She reminds me of the amazing, dedicated, where-the-hell-do-they-get-the-energy moms I know. There are a bazillion unsung Sarah Palins out there right now who care enough to get involved in the PTA and on school boards and in local governments to make a difference not only for their own kids, but all kids.

We need more strong, dedicated people like her getting involved in government so they can do the same kick-ass job for our country that they do for their families and their local communities.

Plus, she talked about laying pipe. Which is sexy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: I Am Woman - Helen Reddy
I am reading: Mists of Avalon by M. Z. Bradley
And I am: Probably not voting for McCain, but this new chick has made it really fun to think about

But wait

And this one's entirely unintentional from Paul Begala, a Democratic strategist, on CNN.com:

"In choosing Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his running mate, he is not thinking 'outside the box,' as some have said."

Yep. Outside. The. Box.

Brilliant!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana
I am reading: Henry VIII
And I am: Rolling

Miss Alaska

Regarding McCain's pick for VP:

"It's a coup de twat."

"Great to see another woman with a 'crack' at the presidency."

I sure love this country.
~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: What I Got - Sublime
I am reading: Not much
And I am: Amused

Getting it straight

Thanks for all the great comments yesterday.

My favorite was submitted by brave little Anonymous. I was really hoping someone would pick up on my disingenuous jab at McCain. Thank you. Whoever you are.

"Let me get this straight. You're not contesting that the man spent extra time in a POW camp because he refused to leap-frog other POWs and accept an out-of-sequence repatriation offer...But you are questioning his motivation for doing so? That truly saddens me."

Confession time.

I don’t actually believe that McCain passed up a Get Out of Hell Free card for political gain.

I can believe a lot of bad things about politicians – hell, John Edwards and his wife were willing to jeopardize the entire democratic process earlier this year – but I don’t believe McCain was focused on anything beyond surviving his time in Hanoi.

Really.

Here’s my point: How is what I said any different from the right-wing whack-jobs claiming Obama is a Muslim terrorist?

The fact is, both are extreme, ridiculous claims with no basis in reality or fact.

But if my pseudo-cynicism about McCain saddens you, then good. As that brainiac Bush would say, Mission Accomplished.

Because what saddens me more than anything is when people don’t bother to investigate the facts before spewing garbage about political candidates.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Songbird - Fleetwood Mac
I am reading: The Autobiography of Henry VIII by Margaret George
And I am: Sad, too.

Two choices

The way I see it, you have two choices: You can vote for McCain – a tired, angry old man who represents the party that plunged us into the worst economic crisis of our time, not to mention a war based on nothing but lies and greed that has killed thousands of American soldiers.

Or you can vote for Obama – an intelligent, patriotic young man who represents a break from politics as usual, a break from our disgracefully racist history, and a break from an economic policy that has helped the rich get richer over the past eight years.

But Hedy! Obama will tax the crap out of our businesses. If we don’t elect McCain, companies like mine will simply shut down.

Bullshit.

All of the brilliant Bush/Cheney tax cuts for the wealthy and tax breaks for big business have done what for us? C’mon. They’re economic morons. Admit it.

The Republicans – who claim to really understand finances, ironically enough – have done nothing but increase our debt and lower our standard of living since they’ve been in office.

But go ahead, vote for McCain if you want more of the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hedy! You call Obama patriotic when McCain is the veteran and former POW? Shameful! Show some respect!

Yes, being a veteran is the ultimate patriotic trump card, isn’t it? McCain deserves respect for the sacrifices he made for our country. No question on that.

However. Being a veteran is not the only way to define what it means to believe in your country.

Because of Obama’s history – because of his heritage – and because of his accomplishments, I believe that he understands more about what this country means to regular folks like you and me, than McCain ever could.

McCain is just like Bush. He got where he is because of his family, because of the privileged life he lead, and ultimately because of his connections (and don’t get me started on what uber-wealthy wife #2 has done for him.)

I know, I know.

As a POW, McCain could’ve used his connections to get out earlier than the rest of his men – he chose not to. Maybe because it was the right thing to do. Or maybe because he didn’t want it coming back to haunt him in his political career. We’ll never know, will we?

Obama got where he is through good old-fashioned hard work. And intelligence. And a willingness to make sacrifices to make a difference in the lives of others. He believes in everything this country stands for because he’s lived it and benefited from it and ultimately, his children will benefit from it.

Being a patriot isn’t something you can inherit. It’s not something you can assimilate by simply knowing the right people.

It’s an effort.

And as far as patriotic efforts go, McCain and Obama are more than equals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey.

Vote for McCain if you want more of the same.

It almost has the same ring as 'Be a Moe Ho'. I like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But I’m a one-issue voter, Hedy. I’m pro-life. And McCain is my man.

Okay. What has the Republican Party done for you on that issue, really?

They’ve held more sway over the Supreme Court than the Democrats, by far.

And yet Roe v. Wade still stands.

Here’s my theory: Republicans love, love, LOVE you pro-lifers because you’ll give and give and give ‘til it hurts in hopes that abortion someday will be illegal again.

It ain’t happening. As long as abortion is legal, people like you will support Republicans, who care more about being re-elected than about the Right to Life. But go ahead, continue to support these folks. Sure.

To summarize: The Republicans take your money and do nothing.

Don’t you want to at least give the Democrats a shot at taking your money for a change? Who knows what could happen? And you’d be no worse off, that’s for sure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I stopped forwarding you stuff about Obama so we won’t argue,” says Mom this morning.

“Like what?” I say, knowing what’s in store.

“Well, that he’s a Muslim.”

Sigh.

Like I asked Mom, I’ll ask all of you: Please, please focus on what the candidates say and not what others say about them.

And please, rather than relying on the endless stream of crap forwarded from people too lazy and too shortsighted to care about the truth, do your homework.

Care more about your country and your way of life than to trust it to anonymous, fear-mongering assholes who have a vested interest in keeping things just the way they are by keeping you desperate and afraid.

I would also ask that you focus on what’s really important. Things that will have a direct impact on your family, your work, your lifestyle, and ultimately your freedom.

Things like our piss-poor economy. The deficit. Our antiquated energy policy. The war in Iraq. Healthcare. The environment.

I don’t give a fig if Obama worships the God of Bacon Bits and Oreos.

Is he more capable and more committed than McCain when it comes to making a difference for you and me? Yes.

Two choices. Care enough to make the right one. Please.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Walk This World - Heather Nova
I am reading: Neil Steinberg
And I am: Worshiping the God of Bacon Bits and Oreos

Vote Moe

Dear Moe,

With all the whining you do, it sure seems like you’re not satisfied with your work/life these days.

I have a solution.

If there’s any justice in the world, Detroit will be needing a new mayor very soon.

You are perfect for this job.

You’re frugal. You’re a hockey fan. You certainly have the pedigree.

And you’ve been itching for an excuse to get back home to the ‘hood.

I know at least three people who’d vote for you right now. By the way you owe me $9.

Just think: You’d be able to stop all of this incessant complaining AND finally put some of your brilliant political ideas into action.

I’m sure the people of Detroit would find it refreshing to have a compassionate, generous soul like you leading their beleaguered city out of its current shit storm.

Plus, you’re always complaining about how much it costs sending your kids to that fancy-schmancy school – Detroit schools are notoriously cheap. In fact I’m pretty sure it’s the only district in the nation where wiping your ass with an outdated textbook is not only encouraged, but required.

Of course there’s the whole power/sex thing, too.

Mrs. Moe won’t be able to keep her tiny hands off you once you’re in office. (Just had an a-ha moment here: I figured out why you married a small woman – it makes Little Moe look ginormous. Nice going.)
~~~~~~~~~~
A few thoughts on campaign slogans:

Be a ho, vote Moe!
Shaddap and vote for Moe
Moe: He ain’t black but he’s willing to learn
Vote for Moe or my buddy Degrande will kick yer ass
Moe: Cheap. Horny. White.
Moe: Not nearly as bad as that last douchebag
Moe: Too cheap for texting
Quit yer whining. That’s my job. Vote Moe.
~~~~~~~~~~
A word of warning, though. Politics can get ugly.

Keep in mind that even seemingly small things – like leaving the American flag off your hybrid go-cart, for example – can and will be used against you. But I’m sure you know this, being such a huge fan of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh.

So whaddaya say, Moe? Mayor of Detroit.

Do it for the citizens of that sorry-ass city. Do it for your family.

But most of all do it for your faithful fans who’d love to see you quit belly-aching and actually do something for a change.

Hey.

Moe: Do Something For a Change. Perfect!
~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: The Star Spangled Banner
I am reading: Neil in the Sun-Times
And I am: a Moe ho

You poor, put-upon white person

It happens every few months.

A message hits my in box with the subject 'Proud to be White' or something equally ridiculous.

It rants about how 'THEY' have the United Negro College Fund and 'THEY' have Black Entertainment Television and 'THEY' have Martin Luther King Day and claims that if 'WE' had White Pride Day or the White Entertainment Network, then 'WE' would be racists.

You poor, put-upon white person.

I hate to tell you this, but you don't need a special holiday or TV station.

If you believe the crap in that e-mail, you're already a racist.

You want your own TV station? Really? Try NBC, CBS and ABC. And CNN and MSNBC and Fox News. And HBO and Showtime, too.

You really feel you need your own holiday? Because Christmas and Easter and Good Friday and President's Day and Labor Day and Memorial Day and the Fourth of July and Columbus Day and St. Patrick's Day and Thanksgiving just aren't enough?

You want to march for your race and your rights? Do it. C'mon. You'll send out an e-mail claiming white people need a march, but let's see you cowboy up and join those hateful idiots in the Ku Klux Klan. Just be sure to wear your sheet because God knows you wouldn't want anyone to identify you.

You've suffered needlessly. Your life is obviously worse because of all these organizations designed to help minorities. I feel so sorry for you, you poor white person.

Get a fucking grip, people.

If you're white and your life sucks -- it ain't because of some minority college in Georgia. And it sure as hell ain't because of Martin Luther King.

Your life sucks because you're a small-minded dumbass who made bad decisions that you're trying to blame on others.

And if - as I suspect - your life as a white, middle class American hasn't really sucked that much at all then SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TRY TO SHOW SOME GRATITUDE FOR HOW MUCH EASIER YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T BORN WITH BROWN SKIN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Jack's Mannequin - Bruised
I am reading: No more of these hateful e-mails
And I am: Sick & tired of angry white people

Jungle love

"Federal employees charged millions of dollars for Internet dating, tailor-made suits, lingerie, lavish dinners and other questionable expenses to their government credit cards over a 15-month period, congressional auditors say."

That's really all you need to read from this AP story published today.

Okay, I lied.

You really should read the whole thing, especially this part:

"The review of card spending at more than a dozen departments from 2005 to 2006 found that nearly 41 percent of roughly $14 billion in credit-card purchases, whether legitimate or questionable, did not follow procedure — either because they were not properly authorized or they had not been signed for by an independent third party as called for in federal rules to deter fraud. For purchases over $2,500, nearly half — or 48 percent — were unauthorized or improperly received."

And this:

"Out of a sample of purchases totaling $2.7 million, the government could not account for hundreds of laptop computers, iPods and digital cameras worth more than $1.8 million. In one case, the U.S. Army could not say what happened to computer items making up 16 server configurations, each of which cost nearly $100,000."

But wait, here's the best part:

"At the State Department, one credit-card holder bought $360 worth of women's lingerie at Seduccion Boutique for use during jungle training by trainees of a drug enforcement program in Ecuador."

To summarize: Some government cock-hole used your tax dollars to meet a monkey via an Internet dating service, bought that hairy bitch some new squirrel covers and then fed her a fancy schmancy steak.

God, I love this country.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Jungle Love - The Time
I am reading: Nothing
And I am: Submitting my resume to the State Department