Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Fuck You Tuesday

“The class is changing me in small ways,” I say. “Like this morning the septic alarm went off…normally I’d wake up Jim and make him go downstairs to turn it off but I got out of bed and did it myself.”

“I didn’t even hear it,” says Jim.

“You need a class to learn how to be nice?” asks Nelson.

“Kinda. I guess. Maybe. Fuck you.”

“Well I don’t like it,” says Nelson. “Where’s the bitchy Heather? Since you started taking this class you’re all sunshine and bunnies. And cut the Good Things Friday shit on the blog, would ya please? Nobody cares.”

“Fine. Fuck you.”

He’s right, though. I’ve lost a bit of that Fuck-You-I’m-Heather attitude because of charm school. Probably another reason why I haven’t been writing so much. Lost my edge.
So here goes. It’s Fuck You Tuesday.

Fuck you, Metra for cancelling the 5:49 to Aurora last night and cramming all of us on the 5:44. I stood in a fucking aisle all the way to fucking Lisle with some Asian bitch pushing into me and sweat dripping from my earlobes down to my asshole.

Fuck you, Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn for distracting people from what’s really important.

Fuck you, charm school for forcing me to think about all of this fucking baggage from childhood. You say we create the lives we have – well looking around, mine isn’t so goddamn bad is it, ya fuckos?

Fuck you, sweater with the bleach stain on it.

Fuck you, people who talk too much.

Fuck you, thorny weeds in our backyard.

Fuck you, birds for shitting all over my deck and patio.

Fuck you, people who walk slow and block the sidewalk.

Fuck you, Rod Blagojevich and your stupid fucking wife for not having a little sense and a little more humility to go away quietly.

Fuck you idiot jealous control-freak women who give the rest of us a bad rap.

Fuck you idiot men for killing your wives rather than divorcing them.

Fuck you, people who aren’t talking to me anymore (you know who you are) – Good Riddance and pass the peanuts.

Fuck you, Apple for making it cost-prohibitive for your best, most loyal customers to get a new iPhone 3Gs. I’ll keep my sorry-ass old iPhone until it’s nothing but a brick before I give you more of my money.

Fuck you, 7 Pounds, with your seriously flawed premise and M. Night Shyamalan wanna-be ending.

Fuck you, Microsoft Update and any software update installer bullshit application.

Fuck you ingrown toenail.

Fuck you, AC/DC, your music sucks.

Fuck you, Rush Limbaugh. And fuck you, George Bush and Dick Cheney.

Fuck you, Colin Powell for not having enough sack to stay in and fight Bush&Co.

Fuck you, one-and-a-half hour commute.

Fuck you, bunnies and fuck you sunshine.

Fuck you, septic system for waking me up early on Saturday and starting this whole fucking mess.
I am listening to: Fuck You by Freddie Fuckstick and the Fuckettes
I am reading: None of your goddamn business
And I am: Angry


judy said...

Whoa....I see your mood has drastically changed :) I take it you didn't like "7 pounds"??

Hedy said...

I think if I hadn't read about it in advance and knew a little too much about the plot, it would've been better. Plus I have an issue with this guy killing himself to help 7 people. He was an engineer from MIT - if he lived, he might've been able to create something that would have saved even more people.

And yes, I am kinda crabby today but supposedly (according to my class) anger can be constructive and cathartic. We'll see. xoxo :)

wafelenbak said...

Oh, the Colin Powell one was a good one!
I'm usually a pretty nice person but have been a real Bitter Bitch this week. It's really funny to see how people react.

Hedy said...

You're so right, Wafels. It is fun to see how people react - I'm learning how to 'play' with my anger - letting it out occasionally when I feel like it. It's powerful and scary because usually my anger is explosive and embarrassing.

Anonymous said...

While we're at it...

Fuck you - Health Insurers Hold Billions in Tobacco Stocks

Fuck you - Senator Max Baucus Received More Campaign Money from Health and Insurance Industry Interests than Any Other Member of Congress.

Fuck you - Netanyahu Outlines Vision for a Demilitarized Palestinian State with Israel Controlling the Borders and Airspace of Palestine - Soveriegnty?

I think I'm gonna like Fuck You Tuesdays.
We'll still have Good Things Friday won't we?

Grommie by the Pool

You Know Who said...

I've never been more proud of you.