Friday, September 25, 2009

GTF: Eschew the Moo Edition

The moo-cows outside my sub at Mooseheart Farm
A great week in Vegas
Not losing any money because I didn't bother with gambling
Seeing the Psychedelic Furs Tuesday night
Chicken noodle soup at 11 p.m.
The 10-minute long greeting from Grommie after being gone for three days
The new Craig Ferguson book “American on Purpose” arrived from Amazon while I was gone
The ginormous zit on my cheek has finally crusted over
Dinner with the You Know Who’s at Bliss last night
Born shoes - extremely comfortable yet cute – you can find them at DSW
My new jean jacket from Cabela’s
The smiley memories brought on by “The Ghost in You”
Watching The Daily Show on my iPhone
Realizing that I can make it through any trade show if I just stock up on Vicodin and SlimFast
Not being any skinnier, but not being any fatter, either
Southwest Airlines – they treat you like people, not cattle – plus the flight attendants are entertaining and give you extra animal crackers
Realizing that I’ve somehow managed to memorize the two-letter abbreviations for all 50 states
Wearing one of my all-time favorite fall jackets today
Calling them moo-cows as if there are certain bovines who eschew the moo
I am listening to: The Ghost in You – Psychedelic Furs
I am reading: Twilight book 4
And I am: Tired

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Whore hair

"Do you like my hair that way?"

"Yes," says Jim.

"But don't you think it makes me look like a whore?"

"Yes, that's why I like it."
I am listening to: Hurt So Good - John Cougar What'shiscamp
I am reading: Twilight 4
And I am: A little better today

Friday, September 18, 2009


Being jolted awake this morning by a sharp, unbelievably hot and stabby NEW pain in my right thigh and realizing that HEY, it could be worse.
It could be this hurty ALL THE TIME.
The beer truck that ran interference for me through a seriously orange light this morning
Understanding that calling yourself an expert is very dangerous
Being called “not fun” by someone who barely knows me
Learning this, from the Good Morning New Pain in my leg: I woke up yelling “OWOWOWOWOW” instead of swearing, which means I curse only for the benefit of others.
“Jesus meets a Democrat”
A wonderful and relatively pain-free 24 hours in Lake Geneva with the glorious You Know Whos
Borrowing Vicodin from Mrs. YKW in advance of receiving my own supply
How Mrs. YKW always makes breakfast for us on Sunday and it’s always very very very good
A full bottle of Vicodin all my own
Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Illinois, without whom all of this back-related care (esp. the Vicodin) would be cost prohibitive
Watching Jim and YKW tubing on the lake
My haircut, which I’ve decided isn’t sassy so much as just plain ol’ cute
Jim, who says it is his “charter” to make sure I’m happy and comfortable.
Cooking bacon
Exuberant kisses from Gromit the moment he realizes I’m home for the day
Coke in a glass bottle from the corner store
The neighbor’s flag at night with the light shining on it
Renewing my iTunes subscription to The Daily Show
My Eddie Bauer hooded jacket, which makes me feel like a little kid
I am listening to: Hallelujah – Rufus Wainwright
I am reading: Twilight – Book 4
And I am: Really, really angry

Friday, September 11, 2009


Remembering how everyone was a little bit nicer after the 9/11 attacks
The hopeful way I stand in front of the mirror admiring how an old pair of pants fits before sitting down and bloop! not quite...yet
Snow Leopard
The "Hide" feature on Facebook - to block out those really annoying 'friends'
Realizing who hasn't blocked me using the 'hide' feature by posting how much I love it
Looking forward to another raucous 24 hours in Lake Geneva this weekend
My chiropractor and my massage therapist
Twilight, book three
To Kill a Mockingbird - I'd never seen it until last night - riveting
I am listening to: Morning huddle
I am reading: Twilight Book Three
And I am: Frustrated

Friday, September 04, 2009


Pausing to watch the sun rise over Mooseheart farm Wednesday morning
Soaking up the moon beams on lounge chairs last night
Waking up with Coolio’s Fantastic Voyage in my head
Recognizing where my fear of public speaking comes from
Hosting a fabulous webinar on Wednesday

Email from me to Jim early Tuesday: “I’m definitely hormonal.”
Coming home to two packages of Chips Ahoy cookies on the kitchen counter Tuesday night

Our good friends Steve & Judy – who turned a 4-hour painting project into a way more fun 1.5 hour project. Love you guys, thanks again.
The dusty-rosy sedum is starting to bloom in the garden that Judy designed for us
Finding out I’m allergic to horses, hamsters, and ham
Realizing I have Prius envy
Still no chips – I’ve totally lost the taste for them; have not managed to give up sweets yet. Yet.

Emailing about birthday/vacation plans for Jim and Mrs. You Know Who next February:
Hedy: How about this – You Know Who and I will cook for the Birthday Twins - whaddaya say, old man, you up for sporting an apron in honor of the two people we love most?
YKW: How bout you shut the fuck up.

An old couple smiling/dancing/singing along with “Cathy’s Clown” in Graham’s Chocolates on Saturday.
Dark chocolate almond bark from Graham’s Chocolates in Geneva
Chatting with Marco the jeweler from St. Charles at dinner last night - he says business is starting to pick up, another sign the economy might be in recovery
A grilled cheese sammich
Craig Ferguson
Getting this email late Thursday night: Our fearless leader has graciously decided to give us Friday afternoon off! So...please feel free to head out after 1:00.
Playing Facebook Scrabble and swearing a lot

Me: “Do you swear at work?”
Jim: “I think my office is one of the few places where you’ll hear ‘suck my dick, motherfucker’ in a status meeting.”

The douchebag with anger management issues sitting next to me on the train who tried to block someone from getting off before him. He didn’t win.
I am listening to: Coolio – Fantastic Voyage
I am reading: Twilight book 2
And I am: Fucking awesome

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Christ vs. Krispy Kreme

Here’s what I love most about my commute: You never know when the next crazy person is gonna show up and yell at you.

Lately there’s been this small Southern-sounding white guy standing at the east side of the Adams Street Bridge yelling about Jesus.

“JESUS is the ONLY ANSWER for this COUNTRY!”



Okay maybe I made up that last one, but you get the idea.

The first time he was just yelling. The second time, he was yelling AND shaking a Bible at us. I can't WAIT to see what props he’ll use this morning.

If he had any clue about this crowd, he’d pipe down and offer up a little bread and wine, Jesus-style. Then he’d have all of us stopping for an insanity-infused snack.


This was entirely unintentional – I didn’t expect him to see it – but Tuesday morning when I walked by, I rolled my eyes.

Well maybe I did intend for him to see it. As you might imagine, it can be a bit of a challenge holding in that extra special brand of disgust borne from misdirected evangelical fervor.

“Don't ROLL your EYES, lady, JESUS is REAL!”

What I wanted to say: “I KNOW he’s REAL you proselytizing PRICK. You’re not doing your cause any favors by YELLING at all of these GOOD, hardworking PEOPLE so EARLY in the MORNING. How about you stop SHAKING that Bible and try READING it? Then maybe you’d KNOW that Jesus wasn’t about FEAR and VENGEANCE, but unconditional LOVE and FORGIVENESS. He didn’t NEED to YELL because he LIVED IT, ya cross-humpin’ FUCKHOLE. And HERE’S an IDEA: how about you GET A JOB. While you’re at it, SHUT THE FUCK UP, BE STILL AND KNOW I AM.”

What I say: Nothing. I laughed and kept walking.
Don’t you wonder what motivates these people? Did he just hop outta bed one day and say “I’m gonna go yell at commuters for the Lord. He’d really like that.”
Was "cross-humpin' fuckhole" a bit over the top? I think so. Prolly didn't help my cause.
On the west side of the same bridge - right outside Union Station - there's always a large black man yelling about Krispy Kreme donuts. He's usually got a tall stack of sweet dough-filled boxes sitting on the sidewalk next to him.




Can I get an AMEN?
I am listening to: Coolio – Fantastic Voyage
I am reading: New Moon – The Twilight Book II
And I am: Still