Tuesday, November 24, 2009

No Thanksgiving

You may not remember this but I sure do. Last year we here at HedyBlog started my new favorite pre-Thanksgiving tradition: No Thanksgiving.

If you're like me, you're just about done with all that treacly "I'm thankful for" shit on Facebook and could use a little bitching and swearing. So here's a list of things I'm not thankful for in no particular order; please feel free to join in any time.

My fucking in grown toenail which is the biggest, ugliest, throbbiest painful mess anyone has seen since Anna Nicole Smith died.
David Letterman - who is a creep and should STFU
Sarah Palin - who is a silly C U Next Tuesday and should STFU
Fundamentalist Christians
Any fundamentalist, period
The remote control for the TV which does not do as its told
Those ridiculous, ubiquitous chanting GAP commercials
People who walk and text
People who walk and text whilst going down the stairs from the El tracks when I'm in a hurry to catch my fucking train
(I so want to push them)
Troublemakers - people who like to create issues to distract from their own incompetence
Beck, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Hannity, Coulter and Malkin
The movie Wild Hogs with John Travolta and others - one of the worst movies in the history of all movies
Old Navy ads with the creepy mannequins - not at all compelling
My fucking Sony TV which has blue dots all over it
The Sony 'warranty' which only covered this known issue with my model until last year
Now it's a giant paperweight that gives me a headache every time I watch it
Zack Ephron - he looks like he's got a squirrel camped in his head
That stupid crotch Soledad O'Brien who seriously couldn't interview her way out of a wet paper bag
Leong, the guy who did my nails last Saturday - he yelled at me because I wanted them shorter and then wouldn't speak to me until they were done
I NEVER get my nails done - EVER
My mother-in-law's spankin' new computer which hasn't worked right since someone who shall remain nameless installed AOL on it
For fuck's sake
Level 64 on Blocked
Vertical Response, which totally fucked me last Friday on an email drop: The test environment doesn't replicate the actual drop
The toilets in our house which always threaten to clog right up to the moment you wave the plunger at them
Oh great. "From the director of Wild Hogs: Old Dogs"
How do these people get to continue making movies? Seriously.
People who start every sentence with "So"
Maggie Gyllenhaal - there's something wrong with her face
My poorly designed deodorant dispenser, which is surprisingly difficult to use - can't even imagine someone with arthritis managing it
Relatives who come to your house and shit the bed
Radio ads that use ringing telephones and beeping car horns
TV commercials at the gas pump
People who lack social skills, e.g. they can't tell when people want them to shut the fuck up
Farmville, Mafia Wars, and any of those other retarded Facebook games
No, I won't help you fuck a sheep or grow turnips or kill off your sworn enemy with a cell phone. Stop it.
Lady GaGa
People who fart on the train
The conductor on the 7:22 who talks too much and never does his share of the work
This uncomfortable couch
Any vampires who are not on True Blood
Michael Jackson - so glad that creep is finally gone
Rod Blagojevich, George Ryan, Kwame Kilpatrick
That scary king from the Burger King commercials
That stupid show Cougar Town
People who persist in making fat jokes about Oprah - it was funny in 1992. Not now.
The Asian cab driver who would not drive faster than 10 mph tonight
The cab driver who wanted to drop me off at the Madison street entrance to Union Station - who the fuck does that?
Smelly cab drivers
Chicago weather
I am listening to: Craig Ferguson
I am reading: Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler
And I am: Ungrateful

Friday, November 20, 2009

Good Things Friday, Fuck Yeah Edition

The huge, bright orange sun on the horizon this morning
Laughing with Mom this morning
“Dead Doug”
Jim’s new Mexican chicken recipe - outstanding!
A fantastic, hilarious weekend in Lake Geneva with the You Know Who’s and the Millers – hearing the theme from ‘Rocky’ will make me crack up for the rest of my life.
In fact, I’d probably like it played at my funeral. ☺
“The Snuggie for men should have a hole in the front” - Jim
Playing with Grommie upstairs every night when I get home from work – sometimes he wants to play tug o’ war and sometimes it’s chase or hide and seek, he picks.
Reading all the “Today I am thankful for” posts on Facebook
The Daily Show – outstanding news/entertainment – if you’re not watching, you should be.
Jim is building a bar downstairs and it’s going to be amazing
The Freedom Wall, a few blocks from my office in the River North neighborhood of Chicago
Thanksgiving – my FAVORITE holiday – is next week
The guy on the train wearing the Darth Vader “Join the Dark Side” sweatshirt with his tongue pierced
Discussing the difference between bitching and nagging with Jim over dinner at Stockholm’s Wednesday night
The new Star Trek movie – just plain ol’ fun
“We need to get away, just you and me.” - Jim
The graffiti under the bridge near Union Station – beautiful owls
Upgraded the work Mac to Snow Leopard and it is noticeably zippier
I thought my bus stop at Huron/Orleans was eliminated, but the sign was just down for construction
Birch trees
Zinging my friend Spike (remember him?) on Facebook comments this week – always satisfying and fun
Becoming a fan of WhosPooping on Facebook
Turkey Raffle tonight – looking forward to an evening with all of our friends winning meat
Little Johnny jokes
The Christmas decorations at the Portillo’s on Clark in the city
Now the sun is high and pure white and fighting clouds
It’s going to be a good day
I am listening to: The Killers – Read My Mind
I am reading: Neil Steinberg in the Sun-Times
And I am: Fuck Yeah

Friday, November 13, 2009

Good things Friday

Email at 6:08 this morning: "Work from home!!!"
Today is Hug a Jew Day - of course, working from home it's highly unlikely I'll have the opportunity but oh well
The Daily Show
Sean Hannity apologizing to the Daily Show
Rising above the lunacy with a bit of reason and compassion
Not succumbing to the frenzied state of others
Worked out four times this week - went to lunchtime Pilates twice
Googled a tech support issue and fixed it myself
Scrabble on Facebook
"You don't have very many points. So shut up."
Orange chicken at Panda Express
"You should walk around the house like that all the time"
Shopping, drinking and laughing for 24 hours in Lake Geneva this weekend
I am listening to: Quiet house sounds
I am reading: Nothing
And I am: Calm

Friday, November 06, 2009


The mass they pulled from Da’s bladder was benign - YAYYY!!!
Benign is a great word
My friends over at UWantSavings.com are celebrating one year in business. Congratulations! Bravo!
Please visit their site if you're looking for amazing deals on all kinds of cool products from housewares to clothing and more.
And a hearty Woot! to them as well (Woot! contacted them for an alliance, another big win...way to go!)
The smell of bacon outside The Green Door Tavern in the morning
I am blogging for work – at least twice a week – so that’s something I guess
"People's civil liberties should not be put up for a vote."
Had the quintessential Halloween: Scary stories around a bonfire under a nearly full moon
The phrase “waxing gibbous”
It sounds kinda dirty/sexy, doesn’t it?
I am learning how to cook, thanks to Jim
My friend Susan F. gave me a thank you box of chocolates from Rich Chocolates – they were amazing
Saying “life is like a box of chocolates” in my best Forrest Gump voice
A date with Jim in the city last night
Watching The Daily Show on my iPhone
Planning another raucous 24 hours in Lake Geneva
“I’m sorry for bitching at you earlier.” - me
“Was that bitching? I thought that was just normal conversation.” - Jim
The One Chick Rule – if it's a group of guys and just one chick you can talk/act as if she’s not there
The crazy cat woman who always eats a breakfast bar and crackles her wrapper like mad is NOT on the 7:07 today
No big plans this weekend other than yard work with Jim and maybe a bonfire
Steve’s Deli on Hubbard across from the East Bank Club – outstanding, classic Jewish deli
Except there were no pickles on the table, which to me is the sign of a true classic Jewish deli
Fixed the problem with duplicate contacts on my iPhone – All By Myself (thank you, Google)
But not without first deleting every contact from all of my lists – oops
Fortunately it was an easy mistake to fix
In the process, I deleted some contacts that were Long Overdue for deleting and it felt Very Good Indeed
Chatting with my friend Jeff on the way to work this morning - he's one of the few people who shares my political/social views
Researching projectors for our office – ask me anything about lumens, throw, DLP, 1080p, whathaveyou – I’m your girl
The show Californication on Showtime – Hank Moody is my fucking hero. Literally.
I am listening to: Follow You Down – Gin Blossoms
I am reading: Case study for Lucy Activewear
And I am: Okee-dokey