I'm driving to the city one day a couple years ago. It's 7:30 in the morning. There's an OLD MAN in the far left lane doing 55 mph and my head is thisclose to exploding.
FINALLY, after like, 20 miles, he decides to move over to the right. I glance over to give him my standard Hedy Dirty Look and GUESS WHO IT IS?
My good friend Chris T.
Then there’s this:
I'm driving to Naperville one day a couple years ago. It's 7:30 in the morning. There's ANOTHER crazy tail-gatin’ b!tch riding my ass. She's thinking if she can get her little green hunk of shit around me, the thousands of cars between her and the big city will somehow all disappear.
I change lanes, broom-hilda shoots me a dirty look as she rockets past and begins a new death-stare with the next car now impeding her Mach-1 assent into the city. Moments later missy pissy pants tries not to make eye contact as I pass her in the right lane to exit on Winfield Rd.
It’s difficult to argue with someone who refuses to break the law, even a little bit.
But let’s agree that it is dangerous to drive slowly in the far left lane on the highway.
Right lanes are for slow grandpa-ass types who’ve got nowhere to go but the golf course and nothing particularly important to do beyond changing their Depends undergarments for the third time before noon.
Left lanes are for speedy death-wish havin’ busy chicks like me.
I am listening to: Melissa Etheridge – The Only One
I am reading: My hero Neil Steinberg
And I am: Laughing
2 hours ago