Thursday random

From the Only in America Department: Two firms offering farting iPhone applications are in a legal battle over the phrase 'pull my finger.'
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Oops:

"The founder of an upstate New York TV station aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has been arrested on suspicion of killing his wife, who was beheaded, authorities said."
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Have you noticed the people that are most worried about offending you are usually the easiest to offend?
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Few people realize that The Shawshank Redemption is really a love story. So is Leaving Las Vegas. FYI.
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Only in America, part two:

Did you know there's an iPhone application called iPeriod?

It's not for checking your grammar, either.

Yep. An application to remind you when Aunt Flo is comin' to town.

As if that I-could-happily-murder-you-for-bringing-low-fat-Oreos-into-my-home feeling isn't enough of a warning.
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If I hear one more person blaming minorities for the sub-prime housing crisis, my head is gonna pop off like a cork.

It's like blaming the immigration issue on illegals.

Here's the bottom line: Someone, somewhere stood to make tons of money off of this or it simply wouldn't have happened.

And yes, our government was complicit in this crime by passing deregulation laws. But who was lobbying these lawmakers? Do you really think politicians are smart enough to come with this crap on their own?

There's plenty of blame to go around, but if you start with the fucking minorities, you're either stupid or willfully ignorant.

Read Liar's Poker by Michael Lewis if you'd like to learn how this whole thing started. I was surprised to learn it was published back in 1989.

If you want someone to blame, Google Lew Ranieri. Or just read this article from Time magazine.
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I'm still pissed that Coldplay won the Best Rock Album Grammy over Kid Rock.

Un-fucking-believable. Coldplay isn't rock. Coldplay is boring.

Like listening to a test pattern.
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My assignment this week is all about telling the truth. I had to write out a list of people I'm honest with. It's more of a continuum.

If you ask me where you are on this continuum, I will probably lie to you.
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I'm also mildly pissed/disappointed in our guy Obama. Three cabinet appointees with tax troubles?

Aren't the Democrats the ones who will gladly pay taxes for bleeding-heart social programs? Aren't they the ones who happily share the wealth? Am I missing something?
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It was another banner week in Illinois politics.

Read this and this if you'd like to know how Chicagoans feel about that fuckstick Roland Burris.

Oh, and Chicago Alderman Arenda Troutman was sentenced to four years in prison this week for "demanding campaign money and bribes in exchange for lending her support to developers' projects. She even went so far as to block a low-income housing development in an impoverished neighborhood because the developer wouldn't pay a bribe. Instead of helping rid the area of gang influence, she had a relationship with a gang leader and used gang soldiers to help her campaign." [Chicago Tribune]
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And from the Dept. of Still No Cure for Cancer:

Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up.
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Words that Need to be Retired Please

Diva - There are few more cringe-inducing words than this one. It's supposed to mean a celebrated singer of rare, outstanding talent. Not Rihanna. Not Beyonce. Maybe Whitney before she went all heroin-y on us. And certainly not any girl under the age of 18 sporting a sparkly 'diva' t-shirt. Unless you're talking about Etta or Aretha, keep the diva in your pants.

Monetize - "I'm looking to monetize my blog." STFU and sit down, ya douchebag. Monetize is just another way of saying selling out.

Green - Okay. We get it. You care about the environment. Sure it's important. But the majority of so-called 'green' efforts should really be 'brown.' As in bullshit.

Twitter - The sooner this worthless, time-waster of an IT 'innovation' goes tits-up, the better. Did you know they just received $35 million in additional funding and they still don't have a real plan for generating revenue? Did we learn nothing from the bubble? And I don't give a flying fart if you're, well, giving a flying fart. Your followers don't care, either. If there's one person out there who's ever going to make a fucking dime off this, I'll eat my monetized green diva micro blog.
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Here's a list of the things I've learned about myself since this new fear/comfort adventure began last month:

1) I ask people questions to avoid talking about myself. It's pretty sneaky.
2) I am more honest about my feelings and opinions here in this blog than I am in person.
3) We are obligated to be the best version of ourselves not for us, but for the people who love us.
4) I've always said 'I'm not a public speaker' but there's really no reason I can't get good at it.
5) My deepest desire is to write a classic story that gets published and/or produced.
6) I say I don't want much but the fact is when you're comfortable you stop thinking about having more.
7) I've placed a priority on truth throughout my life and it has hindered my ability to feel deeply. This makes me very bad at comforting people.
8) I have trouble asking for help.
9) My single greatest power lies in my ability to recognize and write the truth.
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I am listening to: The Shawshank Redemption
I am reading: Niagaran Pebbles
And I am: Back