Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Whack-jobs for Jesus

WARNING: If you are a current Christian and/or ex-masturbator, you WILL be offended by today's post. Please move along.

Jesus Christ doesn't give a flying fart if you jerk off.

Seriously. Folks.

Rome is burning.

And cuddly-wuddly Christ - if he's not (as I suspect) spinning like a freakin' top in his ever-loving grave - is too busy frying fatter fish to care about your infernal fapping.

But this delightful batch of whacked-out Christians - bless their sweaty little pre-occupied souls - happens to believe otherwise: Passion for Christ Ex Series T-shirts.

Yep. Ex-masturbator t-shirts. For Christ.

Get 'em while they're...whatever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hedy, Hedy, Hedy. You're going straight to hell for mentioning Christ and 'jerk off' in the same sentence.

Perhaps. Let me clarify.

Jesus Christ probably doesn't give a flying fart if you jerk off.

Here's the deal, kiddies.

There's a long list of things that are wrong with our world right now. Masturbation ain't one of 'em.

Beating off is free. It doesn't hurt anyone. It feels good. It's what's for breakfast. It's the other white meat. It's. . .wait. Anyhoo.

Masturbation could be the very thing that helps us make it through the current economic crisis.

"Hey Spike, did you see what the Dow did today?"

"No dude, I was choking my Cheney. Try it. It'll raise your stock a few points."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IMs from earlier today...

Hedy: http://www.p4cm.com/p4cm/store/launch?1

Jim C: "But is it really okay in the eyes of God?" What? My load?

Hedy: You shot your load in the eyes of God?

Jim C: I did

Hedy: Nice shootin' Tex

Jim C: He was wearing my 'Ex-Hypocrite' t-shirt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Read the comments on the ex-masturbator t-shirt site.

C'mon. Read 'em.

Here's my favorite, from iBuyStuff4Jesus:

"I was really afraid that there would be a shortage of things for me to buy in 2009 that show my love and appreciation for our lord Jesus Christ."

Did you get that folks? I was really afraid there would be a shortage of things for me to buy that show my love and appreciation for our lord Jesus Christ.

Because nothing says love and appreciation for Christ like a t-shirt about whacking off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Nothing when I'm supposed to be listening to something
I am reading: Nobody's Fool by Richard Russo
And I am: Pro-whacking, pro-Christ

1 comments:

CRUSTYBEEF said...

KUDOS!

This was a laugh and great read. I need to start riding your train, you ladies (susan Snippets)are some amazing writers.

:)
E