Pat Robertson

is a fucking idiot.

He’s the type of “Christian” who gives Christians a bad name.

And he’s one of the main reasons why I hesitate to call myself a Christian – for fear of being lumped in with all the other right wing lunatics who just don’t get what Christ was all about.

Take a deep breath. C’mon.

In. Out. Relax.

If you were offended by what I just said, before you pass judgment (Matthew 7.1 - 5) read a little more and see if I’m so far out of line.

Pat Robertson said the U.S. somehow deserved what happened on 9/11.

Translation: Don’t blame the psychotic nut-jobs driving those planes or the worldwide terrorist organization that funded, trained and supported them. Blame it on law-abiding, tax paying homosexuals. Right.

Pat Robertson said we should assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Translation: Forget what Christ said about turning the other cheek (Matthew 5.39) and loving others as yourself, there are certain people who just need to die. So Pat Robertson is pro-life but only when it comes to the people he thinks should be allowed to live. Very nice.

Pat Robertson said that God smote (great word!) Ariel Sharon for relinquishing Gaza to the Palestinians.

Translation: Evangelicals love, love, love the Jews – when they do what they’re supposed to do. According to the Bible, the end times will be precipitated by Jewish rule over all of Israel. Apparently Sharon didn’t get the memo, forgot to be a good little Jew and do what those crazy Christians want, and now he’s in a serious state of smote. Personally, I think Robertson is just pissed off that he had to put his Rapture Party Pants in mothballs for another 20 years.

Smote. I really love that word. Doesn’t it sound like something that would taste good on a sandwich?

“I’ll have the ham on rye with extra smote, please!”

I digress.

“HEATHER! You don’t call yourself a Christian?!?! For shame!!”

Calm down. Try not to freak out. It’s probably not any more likely that I’m going to hell than you are, so relax.

And I’ll begin explaining it all in the next episode.

I am listening to: Man With a Gun by Jerry Harrison
I am reading: Marketing Budget + Plan 2006
And I am: Great!