Monday, July 06, 2009

The fairy tale me

There’s a mirror in the foyer that Jim gave me for Christmas many years ago.

It’s smallish and round with a dark metal frame shaped like flowers and leaves. Pretty, but not too girly-girly. Like something from a fairy tale with a princess and an ugly cruel stepmother with a big hairy wart that smells like bad cheese. Just the wart, not the whole stepmother.


It’s a skinny mirror – you know the ones – it magically makes me look at least 10 lbs. lighter.

I don’t even know why I look in it, really. It’s not a true reflection of reality.

Maybe I look because it gives me a glimpse of what could be.
You've probably noticed I’m not writing any more. I’m pretty pissed off about it.

Because of charm school, I’ve lost the part of myself that liked this – writing and ranting and having fun with words.

Here’s hoping it comes back someday.
Not a huge fan of the word foyer, by the way. Especially snooty-falooty people who say it like ‘foy-A’.

These are the same folks who pronounce vase like ‘vaaaz’.

As in ‘The vaaaz in the foy-A is filled with juicy wet dog boogers.”
So back to this mirror.

Love love loved fairy tales as a child. Hell, I still love ‘em.

And I’ve read a lot of them, but don’t ever recall a story like this:

What if, Once Upon a Time there was a mirror that could show you the best version of yourself?

The what-could’ve-been version who made better decisions and didn’t eat entire bags of Ruffles Sour Cream & Cheddar chips in one sitting?

Wouldn’t that be cool?
fairy tale (also fairy story)
a children's story about magical and imaginary beings and lands.
• [as adj. ] denoting something regarded as resembling a fairy story in being magical, idealized, or extremely happy : a fairy-tale romance.
The point is, because of charm school I am catching glimpses of this slightly better, fairy tale version of myself.

It’s kinda cool when it isn’t scaring the living shit out of me.

Because this new Hedy is more sociable. Has more energy. Is more conscious and aware. Is eating less. Doing more. Is more compassionate. And less temperamental.


It’s coming at a price and I am seriously mourning the old version of myself. The version that liked hanging out here with you and ranting about silly shit.

Furthermore, if you’ve ever read the really old, non-Disney fairy tales, you know they're often scary and bloody and not all of them have happy endings.

So right now, the fairy tale version of me is wandering around in the woods, ate all of her fucking breadcrumbs miles ago, and is hoping that her fairy godmother will arrive - POOF - soon.
I am listening to: Green Day - Basket Case
I am reading: Nothing much
And I am: Reflective


Anonymous said...

Change is a profound experience. And did you know that without change we just end up a stinky puddles of masquito infested mungwater.
Embrace change and only look back fondly on the old you...
I've changed my outlook on stick fetching... and I'm lovin' every minute of it...

Dave said...

Jim a little worried? After all he hung around all these years, there must be something about the still unchanged you that he, and we, kind of like.

Dave said...

Jim a little worried? After all he hung around all these years, there must be something about the still unchanged you that he, and we, kind of like.

Hedy said...

Hey Dave - I think Jim was more than a little worried at first but he seems to be enjoying the changes so far. He was always the social butterfly of the two of us - I tend to be more introverted - but now I have a different attitude towards socializing and it's better. I still get over-socialized occasionally but for me, it's all about attitude, not energy. That's the biggest change - making healthier decisions I guess. I'm still deeply disturbed at the absence of my muse but hopefully she'll come back soon.