Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Done

Of course I sounded like an idiot.

You don’t get invited on a comedy radio show to talk about your boobs and not come off like a bit of a bubblehead.

But I said what I wanted to say in between the wise cracks.

That chicks like me with really big hoots don’t have to live with it. That the surgery isn’t all that painful. And most important: The really good plastic surgeons don’t advertise.
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I regret doing it. And that really bugs me, because I rarely regret anything.

Mostly I regret that my friends who listened in were embarrassed for me.
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“So you don’t miss men looking at you because of your boobs?” – Jay Thomas
“No. I love it. I’m under the radar now.” - Me
“Oh, c’mon.” - Jay
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That little exchange says way more about Jay than anything about me.

He lives and breathes Hollywood, where it’s perfectly acceptable for Britney Spears to flash her sad, floppy coochie to the world.

Why would he think I’m any different? Why would he think that any woman, anywhere, wouldn’t love the attention that comes with big boobs?
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The fact is, I’ve been teased about my tits my whole life. I’ve heard everything.

These two professional comedians said nothing that hadn’t been said a thousand times before.

I guess that’s what was so surprising and more than a little disappointing: They didn’t come up with something new, something genuinely funny.

It was a true softball opportunity and they blew it.
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But you had to know it was gonna be like that, didn’t you?

Kinda. But I thought it would be funnier.

I’ve been the target of crude jokes time and again – and I’ve laughed my ass off.

This was different. It wasn’t intelligent and funny, it was stupid and mean.

What’s more, my friends were far more spontaneously funny about the whole thing.

And they don’t get paid for it.
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I am listening to: Gromit sighing
I am reading: Notes on re-vamping the web site
And I am: Done talking about my tits

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your only regret should be that you called these guys "professional comedians" instead of "professional assholes".

Hedy said...

Then there's this from Lisa in Florida:

Sorry it didn't go like you wanted.

Guys don't understand women not wanting big boobs, 'cause they all want big dicks--the bigger the better, ya know??

Then again, we don't have to think with our boobs :)

S.Ray said...

Hey Lisa....you're right...we do want big dicks...but, we have to make due with what we have...I'll use myself as an example...I was very lucky to fall in love with a girl who is 4'11"...cuz...it actually looks BIG in her hand!

Dave said...

Ok, so it wasn't a good idea; but, did you get to swear?

Hedy said...

Not as much as I wanted to, and mostly after. At myself.