Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Word of the Day Wednesday

It’s Wednesday, folks, and ‘ass-wipe’ is our Word of the Day.


I heard it this morning and laughed out loud for some reason. I have no idea why.


Say it. Just once. C’mon.

At the very least, you cracked a smile, right?
I started out using asswipe. Minus the hyphen.

But Microsoft Word didn’t like that and promptly issued its standard angry red line indicating that I’d strayed from the Sacred List of Acceptable Words.

I do that pretty often here as you might imagine.
Quick: You’re suddenly famous. Which product do you endorse?

For me, it could be nothing but Charmin Ultra.

It is without question the Ass-Wipe of Kings.

Try it. You'll feel like royalty.
Maybe I laughed at ass-wipe because it is not your garden-variety insult.

Ass-wipe says: You’re close to an asshole, but worse, since you are used and then flushed away.

Of course the argument could be made that assholes are worse than ass-wipes because, like it or not, assholes are permanent.
I know what you’re thinking.

In what context could you have possibly heard the word ass-wipe before 8 a.m. this morning?

It’s a long story. But someone I know called someone else I know an ass-wipe, and got into serious trouble for it.

Which begs the question: Is that person actually an ass-wipe?

Prolly not. She’s not going anywhere any time soon.
About seven years ago, I was responsible for a Major Ass-Wipe Crisis in our home. Have you heard this story? (Yes, you have. I realized I told this same story way back in February. It's good, though and worth re-telling.)

Our septic tank backed up. It was ugly. In the showers and the tub.

Everywhere. Not good.

So we called the Septic Guy, a tenacious and colorful man who promptly dug an ugly brown hole in our backyard to assess the situation.

“Tell yer wife to lay off the shit-paper,” he told Jim. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of shit-paper myself. But she’s gotta cut back.”

There’s nothing quite like being lectured about your bathroom habits by a guy whose boots are covered in liquid shit.

It’s a humbling experience. Valuable, yet humbling.
There you have it, folks. I am a huge fan of ass-wipe and would never use it as an insult because ass-wipe is my friend.
I am listening to: Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics
I am reading: A client case study
And I am: Joyful


the dilf said...

If i was Famous.....I definitely think I would have to endorse the MAGNUM CONDOM!