Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A passel of Jesus

Have you heard the Good News?

Just in time for Christmas, someone found Jesus.

And not just one Jesus, but lots of Him!

Last week, some jokester terrorized a south side Chicago neighborhood by stealing baby Jesuses from yard mangers.

Then yesterday, a Christmas miracle: 32 of those plastic rascals appeared on one woman’s lawn, lined up by size and style.
This story had Chicagoland journalists scrambling for their AP style books to figure out what’s plural for Baby Jesus.

Baby Jesi? Oy!
Herd? Posse? Passel?

Maybe a bunch of Jesuses is like a gaggle of geese or a murder of crows.

The Chicago Tribune neatly skirted the issue by referring to them as “baby Jesus dolls.”

Them thinky ones over at the Trib are goin' to heaven for sure.
More from the Chicago Tribune:

“The plastic pieces, many weathered with age, were found Saturday morning lined up perfectly and sorted by design in the yard of a parishioner of St. Symphorosa Church, who asked church staff not to give out her name. The resident bagged them up, brought them to church and asked church staff to help her find their owners, said Margaret Garbacz, director of religious education at St. Symphorosa.”
She bagged up the little baby Jesuses? What the HELL was she thinking?

The thief obviously thought she needed more Christ in her life. He took the trouble to sort them by size and style on her lawn, for the love of . . .well, You Know Who.

And she tosses 'em in a Hefty bag like so much trash?

At least she brought them to a church. Can you imagine THAT conversation?



“Um, I’ve got a sack of saviors here,” said the bewildered woman. “Can you help?”
According to this web site, a group of penguins is called a crèche.

Crèche: 1.a small or large modeled representation or tableau of Mary, Joseph, and others around the crib of Jesus in the stable at Bethlehem, as is displayed in homes or erected for exhibition in a community at Christmas season.

This might be controversial, but I’m anti-lawn ornament. Especially when it comes to your Major Religious Figures.

It seems disrespectful. Or something.

Jesus should be kept off the lawn and up on the cross where he belongs.

And these people call themselves Christians.
A horde of hamsters? Who knew?
And how would you transport all those little plastic lords, Mrs. Know-It-All?

Hell if I know. Something involving an ass and three wise men perhaps?
Maybe I’m anti-manger because of our former neighbors.

They put Walmart's Holy Family in their front yard in response to our Las Vegas-style Christmas lights display. It was their smug little way of reminding us what the season is really about: Hollow, tacky effigies of wandering and homeless Jews.
Got it!

A Mess o' Messiahs!


Merry Christmas!
I am listening to: O Holy Night - Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
I am reading: Chicago Sun-Times
And I am: Wondering what the FUCK penguins are doing in Bethlehem


Anonymous said...

Is that a picture of our former neighbors living room?

Dave said...

I spent 10 minutes surfing collective nouns when I could have been researching South Carolina lien law. Thank you.

Jeni said...

A really neat piece on what was a really odd topic to begin with. Makes you wonder what was in the person's mind who took those things in the first place. (See how I skirted the question of the plural of Jesus -"those things." No disrespect intended if someone else is reading this.)