F*ck, marry, kill

We can’t talk about Christ and politics all the time. We’ve gotta have some fun.

FMK. Have you heard of this?

Three people. Choose one you’d fuck, one you’d marry and one you’d kill.

It’s mildly amusing. And something fun to do while you’re wasting time pretending to work.
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Curly seems like the most fun so he gets boinked.

Moe dies – but only for the irony ("I'll moida ya!")

Which leaves Larry to marry.

Ugh. Could be worse.
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Now you try:

Paris Hilton
Britney Spears
Lindsay Lohan
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My turn:

Brad Pitt
Vince Vaughan
Russell Crowe

I’d kill Brad, shtup Russell and marry Vince.

You wanna spend the rest of your life with Vince Vaughan?

Of course. He’s not stupid (Brad) or angry (Russell) and he’ll make me laugh.

Plus he’s Polish. I have a penchant for Polish boys.
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Betty Rubble
Jessica Rabbit
Marge Simpson
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Spiderman
Shrek
Santa Claus

Jeez. A tough one.

Screw Shrek. Marry Spiderman. Kill Santa.

Why?

I hate cold weather. And old fat men (however jolly and generous) are a major turn off. Spiderman is smart, brave, and interesting. Shrek is smelly.

There ya go.
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Of course, sans Curly, the whole scenario changes.

I'd have to kill Shemp. And it would be a violent, squealing, messy death worthy of the misery he's brought upon hundreds of thousands of Stooge fans the world over. As in:

"Shit, it's a Shemp! Turn it off!"

Fuck Moe. Marry Larry.

Why can't you just marry Moe? He's clearly the leader and the most intelligent of the three.

It's simple: He's not my type.
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But what about Joe, Heather?

Joe? Are you kidding?

Everyone knows he’s the gay Stooge.
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I am listening to: WGN News
I am reading: A proposal for an HCM 8.9 upgrade for the Saginaw Chippewa Indian Tribe
And I am: Silly