Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Hungry, Indian-style

The headline read: “No more ‘hungry’ Americans: US government says”

Intriguing. Could it be?

Whilst distracting us with the war in Iraq, did our government actually do something genuinely worthwhile?

What a lovely thing. And right before Thanksgiving.

God I love this country.
Um, no. Not exactly.

Have you heard about this?

The government has decided that the 11 million people who went without food last year in the U.S. are no longer hungry.

They’re folks with “very low food security.”
“Hungry?” says Government Official A, wrinkling up her pert little nose. “That sounds so…I don’t know…needy and un-appealing. Can’t we call them something else?”

“Of course,” agrees Government Official B, dipping a biscotti in his Starbucks Tazo Chai Frappuccino (tall, skim, no whip). “How about sammich-impaired?”
My friend Lisa really needs to start a blog. Here’s her response to yesterday’s question about the politically correct evolution of sitting Indian style:

“Actually, it's now criss-cross applesauce. And we wonder why people are dumber now than they used to be.”
I guess it’s prolly a little late to be outraged at these most recent examples of Newspeak.

Still, it’s depressing that our government has essentially given up on solving real problems in exchange for assigning benign titles to our most serious societal ills.
What the FUCK does APPLESAUCE have to do with sitting DOWN?
Since there’s absolutely no logic to any of this shit, perhaps we should inject applesauce into all of our new phrases.

The hungry henceforth shall be referred to as people with very low applesauce security.
I am listening to: House sounds
I am reading: Not much of anything, sadly
And I am: Sammich-impaired