Friday, November 03, 2006

Speaking of porn

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?

We here at HedyBlog are pleased to introduce:

The First Annual HedyBlog Internet Porn Survey


Ta-da!

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclap.
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For you nervous horny types: This is a completely anonymous survey. There’s no way for me to track who responds.

If you don’t believe me, you can register with the site (it’s free) and create your own survey to see exactly how it works.

Isn’t this fun?
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Speaking of fun, that’s what porn is all about: Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

Right?

If it wasn’t fun, why would so many people spend so much time, money, and energy on it?

From what I can gather (from the Internet) Internet porn generated nearly $3 billion in 2005.

Whew.
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First of all, let me say that I’m all for porn.

But Hedy! Porn is icky!

Maybe to some, but 99.9% of the men you know are into it, prolly way more than you know, and certainly way more than they’ll ever admit.

I’m okay with that.

Because remember the HedyBlog policy: As long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else (especially children, old people or animals) I don’t care what you do on your own time.

And quite frankly it’s none of my goddamn business.
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Here’s a question I left off of the survey: When was the last time you viewed porn on your computer?

My answer: Three weeks ago. I won’t explain how or why, but I will say that it was only mildly amusing and not at all titillating.
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Titillating. Isn’t that a great word for something that makes you horny?

I mean, it’s got “tit” in it, for the love of Dick.

How cool is that?
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Porn Myth #1: "Porn is for PERVERTS! It makes men want to do bad things to women!"

Um, no. Just like violent video games or movies, porn is relatively harmless.

There are millions of people who own guns that don’t go around killing people. Owning a gun doesn’t make you a killer and watching porn won’t make you a pervert. People with proclivities towards violence (sexual or otherwise) are gonna do what they’re gonna do regardless of what they watch.
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Porn Myth #2: “I wasn’t looking for it”

Right.

I’ve been using Internet search tools for almost 10 years and I’ve never “accidentally” found porn.

It simply doesn’t happen. So shaddap on that and have the courage to admit you look for it.

A lot.
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Porn Myth #3: “My friends send me the stuff and I don’t know why.”

You know why they send it. They send it because you’ve sent them some. Or you’ve commented on what they’ve sent.

Men bond over shared porn. It’s what you do.

It's like women sharing recipes or sewing patterns. Only more explicit.
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Admit it, there's at least one of you out there who thought: Hmmm. Women sharing recipes.

"Debbie, can I borrow some Wesson oil? We're all out and I'm in the middle of making dinner for Jim."

"Sure, Heather! But cooking is hard work. How about a backrub?"

Cue up that funky porn soundtrack...
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...And we're back. Relaxed?

So what’s the deal with the survey? Do we get to see the answers?

Of course.

Since it’s anonymous, I’ll share the responses and any particularly interesting comments it generates.

Keep in mind this is an entirely unscientific poll (I flunked chemistry repeatedly.)

Besides, if the survey were scientific, it wouldn’t be fun. And that’s what we’re all about here at HedyBlog.

Fun fun fun fun fun.
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I am listening to: 2Pac - How Do You Want It?
I am reading: Today’s Steinberg
And I am: Porn-o-riffic!

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