Thursday, September 06, 2007

Re: Retard

I've heard using 'mentally retarded' or 'retard' is offensive.

I've also heard - just in the past six months - that retard is making a huge comeback in the medical/educational professions. Mental retardation is, in fact, an official medical diagnosis.

Retard, the noun, is not.

Here at HedyBlog we strive to straddle that fine line between completely offensive and mildly distasteful, so it really doesn't matter so much.
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Last Saturday, we went for an inaugural overnight visit to our friends' new cottage in Lake Geneva. The goal: Get Gromit the Dog acclimated to their house so he won't freak out and shit on the kitchen table when we leave him alone there to go out and enjoy the lake. FYI: 'Enjoy the lake' is Wisconsin vernacular for taking a tour of all the bars around the lake and drinking your ass off for an entire afternoon/evening.

You'll be relieved to know that Gromit did well. He was a little hyper - he always is in a new place - but overall, he was the barky, needy, clingy nut-job that he always is.

Overheard as we were leaving Sunday morning:

"Sorry about the retard," says Jim.

"Eh, Gromit was okay," says Chris.

"No, I meant Heather."
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This whole thing gets me thinking about some of my sillier moments.

For example: Before I was married, I lived alone in a walk-up apartment atop a lovely yellow home in a quiet Chicago suburb. Of all the places I've lived, it was my favorite. A huge maple tree out back made my little screened in porch seem like a tree house - the perfect spot for reading and napping and thinking.

My landlord and his wife lived downstairs and they used the driveway, so I always parked out front in the street.

One day, I pulled up to my house and a car identical to mine was parked in my spot.

"Oh - I'm home!" popped into my head.

Yep.

We all have classically silly moments.

Your brain takes an unscheduled break and you suddenly you find yourself saying Oh! I'm home or something equally ridiculous.

The upside: Maybe if I act retarded they won't spank me.
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I am listening to: Exhibit hall noises
I am reading: Harry Potter 5 - Fabulous!
And I am: Prone to temporary retardation

3 comments:

msmoo1 said...

I prefer the term "sanguine". I took a personality type test once and scored off the charts as having a sanguine personality - some might call it being "blonde" - the funny thing is that only a very small percentage of my sanguine moments have been caught coming out of my mouth - most I am still able to keep to me and my mind - good thing - I might be labeled a retard.

with regard

Posolxstvo said...

You said retard. I said dumbass. Sorta the same thing, though.

Just yours is more internal.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Here's a good "retard" move for you over here in crustyland:

Last Sunday we threw together a 35person 2day advance notice (last minute!!) bbq-surprisingly it was a smashing drinking, dancing, baggo success. I, Crusty, while drinking our famous fling drinks, dancing along to Nelly Furtado's dance club song ("if you see me in the club, we'll be acting real nice-the title escapes me)was having a blast. Then down our street at about 7:00pm two suburban cops turned down our road-they pull you over for jaywalking in our town-I saw the cops,panicked, said, "COPS!!" and ran into the house-everyone looking at me like, "WTF is wrong with her?"
Then it hit me as I hide behind our living room curtains, I'm OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah, talk about a rather "sanguine" moment. (NICE ONE MSMOO!)

Always,
Crusty~