Friday, October 05, 2007

Swear therapy

“Who’s going to handle marketing after this?”

“Well, that’s the really bad news,” says the guy firing me. “We’re not replacing you so I’m going to be working 80 hour weeks to cover everything you did.”

Wait just a tick there, champ.

The really bad news isn’t that I’m fired with no notice after working tirelessly for you goddamn stinking cock sores; it’s that YOU HAVE TO WORK HARDER?
It’s what? October 5?

It seems safe to start spilling some of the more silly stuff around suddenly being sacked in September.

Contrary to the whole stinking cock sore thing (isn’t that nice? I made that up today), I’m really not angry any more.

More silliness: We’re letting you go for financial reasons. Sales aren’t where they should be and we can no longer afford to keep you.

That’s virtually verbatim from Mr. 80 Hours. And it’s in the termination letter, too.

However, telling everyone that you’re sacking one of their favorite employees for financial reasons isn’t such a good idea. Because if the firm is in fact having financial troubles, then how long will it be before MORE favorite employees are fired and then before you know it, it’ll be dogs and cats looking for new jobs, mass hysteria (with apologies to Bill Murray).

So they let it leak a little that I was let go for performance issues.

I was so shaken by this that I went back to review my last review trying to find something, anything that would indicate a problem.

Because when you’re unhappy with an employee’s performance you say nice things about them and give them a $3k raise, right?
The picnic was prolly the biggest pooper.

Again, I'm not angry.

But it sure helps to share some of this silliness after a month of sadness. And isn’t stinking cock sores just so much fun to say?
I am listening to: Nina Simone – Feeling Good
I am reading: Complete Idiot’s Guide to Futures and Options
And I am: Grateful


the dilf said...

No...Cock Sores....It's not very fun to say at all......But "Balls Deep" is!!!!!!

Posolxstvo said...

"Cock sores" rhymes with "jerkstores." I feel a poem coming on...


Cock sores! Ha...Herpe handbags,
You're onto something, dear Hed!