The ‘b’ word

She mentioned it during dinner, thinking I’d be preoccupied with He’s famous grilled chicken burritos.

But I heard it.

The ‘b’ word.

B – A – T – H.

That spells NO WAY I SMELL JUST FINE.
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Confession: I have been a bit smelly lately.

She complains about it – “Gromit’s smelly!” – all the time.

As if I can’t hear. As if I can’t smell what’s going on here. As if I can help it.

She pretends to be Miss Compassionate Love Everyone Liberal but She can be downright insensitive sometimes.

And She says I’m the Best Dog Ever. Ha.
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She’s still unemployed, so yesterday She took me to the Place Where I Get My Pooper Poked.

Sure enough, first thing they do? Poke me in the Pooper.

Then She’s all “Have a treat, Gromit!” as if that’s going to make up for being traumatized yet again by the chubby dude in the white coat who smells like cats and claims I could stand to lose 10 lbs. every time he pokes me in the pooper.

The least he could do is scratch the sack where my nuts used to be. The least.
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“C’mon, Gromit,” She says.

I hightail it to the kitchen, pretending to search for leftovers in my bowl.

She’s on to me.

“C’mon, Gromit, let’s GO!” She says, proving yet again that She thinks I’m deaf.

Then She pulls the “C’mon, Grommie, let’s go, Grommie, c’mon, we’re going, let’s go, c’mon c’mon c’mon, LET’S GO” and She sounds SO EXCITED that I lose my mind for a moment and chase She upstairs.

Damn She. I quickly come to my senses and Sit.

She pulls on my collar. I lean back.

She pulls harder. I lean harder.

This is kinda fun.

She pushes my butt. I spin around and go through She’s legs and Sit again.

Finally She corners me, strips me naked, and throws me into the bathtub.

Humiliating.

While I’d never admit it, the warm water feels pretty good, post-pooper poke.

I Shake-Shake-Shake several times, making sure She gets as soaking wet as me.

I let She dry me off (it’s the least She can do) and proceed to run around in Crazy Dog mode until my ears are finally dry.

Then She's all "Grommie, you SMELL so GOOD, you're a GOOD DOG and you SMELL so GOOD blah de freakin' blah."

Right. I know another 'b' word.
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I am listening to: Jim’s girlfriend Ginger the weather girl on NBC5
I am reading: Nothing, I’m a DOG
And I am: Clean