It's not you. Really.

“What are you doing tonight? I really need to talk to you.”

This arrived via e-mail first thing Wednesday morning.

Of course I replied “Nothing, c’mon over” because that’s the only thing to say when a friend says something like that.

But here’s another thing I tend to do in that situation: I make it about me.

Do you ever do this?

For part of the day, in the back of mind, I was thinking:

“Hmm. I wonder if I did something to offend her. I wonder if I was obnoxious the last time we saw each other and she’s finally had it with me and wants to tell me in person how I hurt her feelings and made her mad and blah de blah ME blah ME ME ME!”

I made it about me.

It wasn’t, and the better part of me knew that.

But only because I’m trying to get better about not looking at the world through me-colored glasses all the time.
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Us chicks are especially good at making it all about us.

Example: This Saturday, Jim will be very quiet and tired from spending a week on the other side of the world.

Here will be me, Saturday night: “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you talking to me?”

Again with the me, me, me.

The fact is, people are quiet or sad or upset or mean or rude for a whole lotta reasons.

And 99.9% of the time, it’s not about you. Really.
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"How was dinner last night?" I ask Mom this morning.

“Eh, just okay. I had to sit next to _________,” she says. “She intimidates me.”

“Oh yeah, what did she do?” I ask.

“She doesn’t do anything,” she replied. “It’s me, it’s my issue. I feel intimidated by her.”

I laugh out loud at this point and tell her about today’s blog topic.
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Okay, say it with me girls: “But what about that OTHER .01% of the time, hmm?”

The rest of the time, people have no idea they’ve offended you because again, it’s NOT ABOUT YOU.

REALLY.
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“I think I’m gonna be fired,” I told my friend Scott a few months ago. “They hate me.”

“Hed, have you ever read ‘The Four Agreements’?” he asked.

“I did a long time ago, but obviously it didn’t take,” I reply.

“Always remember, it’s not personal,” he said. “It’s one of the agreements. It’s not about you. Really. Most of the stuff that people do and say has everything to do with them, and absolutely nothing to do with you.”
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You wanna know the silliest part of all this?

The people who it’s usually about – the people who actually piss you off – have absolutely no clue that it’s EVER about them.

Like the lady sitting next to me on the train right now, yapping AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS.

I’d really like to stab her in the head with a pen. She has no idea that her behavior is deeply offensive to me.

Maybe she grew up in a really big family where constant, loud, annoying yapping was the norm.
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The thing is, all of us do it. We think we’re the center of the Universe.

When in fact, we’re just the center of our Universe.
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I am listening to: KT Tunstall – The Other Side of the World
I am reading: Steinberg
And I am: Finding some new sorts