Friday, April 20, 2007

The Secret of Guy Code

“I’m gonna tell you something but you can’t tell ANYONE, okay?” a friend says over lunch last week.

I set my fork down. I lean in.

That zippy-skippy part of my brain wakes up and says “Woo-HOO, this is gonna be GREAT!”

There’s nothing like a fat, juicy secret to make your day.

We all have ‘em.

And when someone shares one with you, it’s exhilarating.
I hate to generalize, but men are way better at keeping secrets than women.

Men thrive on their secrets. They need them. And they bond over them.

It’s Guy Code.

Guy Code is that unwritten yet sacred policy between men that there are certain things you NEVER share with the women in your life.

Wife, girlfriend, best friend – doesn’t matter. Some shit you just don’t share with chicks.
The One Chick Rule is a little-known corollary to Guy Code.

If you’re with a group of guys and there’s just one chick, feel free to act like she’s not there.

Two male co-workers introduced me to the One Chick Rule over lunch at Chipotle a few years ago.

I was sitting next to one of them on a molded, pseudo wood bench seat when about halfway through the meal, I felt the unmistakable vibration of a long, burrito-induced fart.

The perpetrator looked at me, shrugged, and said, “One chick rule.”
“You’re about as close as any woman’s ever got to Guy Code,” said Jim’s friend Rodney one night over drinks. “Probably 90%. But you can never get all of it.”

“Because it would break the code?” I ask.

“Well, that, but it would also make you really hate men,” he replied.

The three of us were at the Roundhouse in Aurora one Friday talking about men, women, and whatnot.

They agreed that they both let me in on stuff because they know I won’t go all freaky-irrational-jealous on them. They know I won’t use the information they share against them later on.

But they also know just how far they can go.

About two hours into their war stories, I’d had enough.

“Okay, I’m starting to hate you two,” I sighed. “I’m out.”
I love Guy Code.

For all our emotional sharing and blabbing with each other, us chicks have nothing that remotely compares to Guy Code.

And I think I know why. With secrets, it’s a power thing. Secrets hold great power.

Guy Code exists because chicks have what guys want and they are mostly powerless in that regard.

Guy Code gives them back some of that power.
Somewhere along the way I learned the value of honoring and keeping secrets.

Now when someone says don’t tell, I’m like a vault.

Even the Guy Code stuff.
I am listening to: Dirty Little Secret – All-American Rejects
I am reading: My guy Neil
And I am: Keeping 'em


silent man said...

face it...chicks just blab...I cant tell my wife anything without her spilling it to someone. I've learned my lesson and I'll never tell her anything she shouldnt know again. I just don't need my buddy coming back to me going, "I can't believe you told your wife, that I poked my old lady in the tookus!"

Hedy said...

I don't care what anyone says, it's a goddamn good day when you hear the phrase "poked my old lady in the tookus."


Just to be fair to the guys that still may not understand "girl code," here's just a few:

Words Women Use:

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: Tis is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A women is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F..... YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to #3.

have a great weekend dear Hedy.

Suzanne said...

Good words.