Friday, April 27, 2007

My second life

At home on Wednesday, illin’ and chillin’ from the big hoo-ha software conference, I decided to check out Second Life.

Have you heard of this?

It’s a virtual reality world where people can buy and sell land, own businesses, and (more coolio than Julio) fly.

You start out choosing a name for yourself. Any first name will do, but you are required to choose from the list of last names available in Second Life.

I am Hedy Voom.

I wanted Veda Voom, but it was taken. So was VaVa.

Once you’re registered on-line, you download the SL software to your computer. You sign on, and before you can say Voila Voom (also taken), you are born into your second life.

Confession: I did not take well to this second life.

Within minutes I was completely bald and wearing a chainmail shirt I got for free from a street vendor.
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You begin your new life on Orientation Island.

There, you can visit four portals that provide the basics for surviving your second life: Appearance, Communicate, Move, and Search.

I arrive standing in front of the Communicate portal, but make a beeline for Appearance.

The fact that I would choose Appearance over Communicate disturbs me more than just a little bit as, in my real life, I am extremely lame when it comes to my appearance and more than a little interested in communicating.

While standing in the Appearance portal trying to get my hair back, a dude named Alex66 walks up and hands me a dollar.

One can only assume that Alex66 thought I was a) a homeless person or b) a stripper.

Who else do you give a $1, really?

Also, I got trapped under a ceiling while learning to fly in the Move portal.

But I took a long ride on a Segway, too. I am more than a little melancholy at the fact that Hedy Voom has ridden one of these contraptions. I have not.
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Of course, the concept behind Second Life is that you get to look and act differently than you do in your first life.

You can adjust everything about the way you look: Hair, eyes, chin, mouth, ears, height, boobs, ass – everything.

Two complete mysteries: The “more bags” option for eyes and the “more saddlebags” option for asses.

Hedy Voom is a tall, bi-racial woman with freckles and light gray eyes. Think of me as a less brainful Condi Rice with Halle Berry tits.

As for the acting differently, well, I'm not really into that so much. There are plenty of "adult" activities in Second Life but it all seems rather forced and lame.

In SL, I mostly wander around by myself exploring new places.

Kinda like my first life but with flying and much better clothes.
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More on last names: I could’ve been Hedy Writer.

But it seemed redundant.
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Update: Hedy Voom is currently trapped on a small, dark island in the middle of nowhere because of an ill-fated quest for “Free Ocean Front Property” in the Search portal.

At least I’m not bald.
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I am listening to: Jem - Amazing Life
I am reading: Salon.com
And I am: Appreciating my first life

5 comments:

Dave said...

The ole Free Ocean Front Property Scam, huh?

spike said...

HEY...You JERK...what's wrong with being bald?????

Anonymous said...

I hate to agree w/ "spike" (who calls him/herself spike?) but what's wrong w/ bald?

phatdoggy said...

What's wrong with bald? Apparently nothing... http://www.bakersfield.com/138/story/92923.html

Happy weekend, especially to the follically challenged.

-Mr. Uk

Hedy said...

Bald is BEAUTIFUL if you're a DUDE.