Thursday, June 07, 2007

Hell hath no sense

“Who is that caterwauling SHREW?” I ask Jim and Gromit snoring next to me on the couch during SNL a couple months ago.

Of course they didn’t hear me.

But their slumbering rumblings sounded way better than what was coming outta the TV, so I muted the shrew until the song mercifully ceased.

Turns out it was Carrie Underwood – dressed like White Trash Whore Exhibit A – wailing about her Cheatin’ Man.

Have you heard this song yet? It’s a lovely, heart-warming tune about one woman’s mature, intelligent and stable response to her man’s infidelities.

She keys the outside of his car. She pokes holes in his tires and leather seats. And she busts out his headlights with a baseball bat.

It’s real catchy if you’re into the Woman Scorned brand of psychotic rage.

And the chorus? Priceless.

"Maybe next time he'll think before he cheeeeeaaaaaats!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have we forgotten the Don Imus Ho Incident?

White people everywhere were Outraged. It went a little something like this:

“Rappers sing about violence and drugs! They sing about hos and bitches! We should be able to sing about hos and bitches, too!”

Where’s all that White Outrage over Carrie Underwood’s song?

Is it okay for her to wail about breaking the law because she’s a not-so-nappy-headed cute Southern white girl?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C’mon, Hedy. No man’s ever cheated on you?

Of course.

Well, wait. I’m assuming.

I never actually caught any of my myriad dudes en flagrant delicto.

But odds are good it happened.

Here’s my take (and girlfriends, it should be yours, too):

I am the best thing that will ever happen to this man. If he’s cheating, he’s obviously ignorant of that fact and no longer worthy of my time or attention.

And he damn sure ain’t worth the whole arrest/jail/unwelcome lesbian encounter/early parole for good behavior thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am not offended by Underwood’s song so much as troubled by what it is teaching the next generation of impressionable young women.

How about having a little dignity? How about eating a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey in one sad sitting, and then channeling all that hurt pride and damaged self-esteem into something positive like a kick-boxing class?

How about remembering that living well is the best revenge?

It also bugs me that the song just assumes this is a reasonable reaction if you find your man screwing around.

We chicks get enough crap over being hormonally impaired 25% of the time. We certainly don’t need one of our own promoting our psychotic tendencies in song.

Now I’m just waiting for Keith Urban to respond with a song titled “Maybe next time I’ll think before marrying a psychotic, insecure, controlling bitch.”

Now that's a song I’d sing along with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Hedy’s Classic Country Mix
I am reading: Press releases
And I am: A good-hearted woman

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

the male gender cheats for only 1 reason

they're NOT GETTING ENOUGH ACTION!

so-----who IS to blame?

DewMama said...

Obviously, you don't live with a teenage girl!! I hear this song coming from Brianna's room 25 times a day.

BTW--she CARVES HER NAME into his leather seats. Does that make it better or worse??

Better for the cops, I guess :)

Hedy said...

DILF! Welcome back! We missed you. I suspect you're right regarding the 'getting enough' thing. And that applies to both sides of the equation -- not just men. The whole reason for cheating is you're not getting enough mental/emotional/physical from your spouse. Taking out your anger and frustration on an innocent vehicle is never practical. Can you tell I grew up in Detroit? :)

Hedy said...

Dewmama: See what I mean? If (God forbid) your daughter's BF cheats on her, what will she do? Trash his skateboard?

Anonymous said...

I'm from detroit!

DewMama said...

If someone cheats on my baby, they better be more worried about ME, than her.

But, that's a whole other song!!

Seriously though--my kids are smart enough to know the difference between real life and songs, TV shows, movies, etc.

If someone does something because he or she "heard it in a song", then that person is an ass and stupid as hell.

And my children do not fall into that category.

CRUSTY MOM-E said...

It's friday, I need my Hedyblogfridayam fix...
Always,
Crusty~

Anonymous said...

Heather Joy, you are not from Detroit. You are from Mt. Clemens. :)

DewMama said...

You tell her, Mom #2!!

In Hedy's defense, it is much easier to say you're from Detroit, then from Mt. Clemens. I know from experience. Everybody knows where Detroit is--plus people are scared of you, if you're from Detroit :)

Have a nice summer--Lisa

Anonymous said...

And, who ate a Chunky Monkey??? I am wetting my pants typing this. Inside joke.
Love you Hed,
Mom