Friday, November 16, 2007

The Bible vs. the mini bar

There’s a Bible in the nightstand next to the big comfy bed.

Like everything else at this hotel, it’s nice and new.

Of course it could be that the Good Book just doesn’t get much use here in the City of Sin.
Who knew? Here’s an interesting fact from

“Annually, The Gideons International is placing and distributing more than 63,000,000 Scriptures worldwide. To God be the glory! This averages one million copies of the Word of God placed every six days, or 120 per minute!”


That's a whole lotta Bible there, guys. I'm guessing the real trick is getting people to read it, eh?
Here's a shocking confession: It's been a while since I've looked at a Bible.

It sure is preachy.

And rather than being inspired or shamed or smote or whathaveyou by Job and Proverbs and Psalms, all I can think is "Goddamn, God needs an editor."
Of course, who edits Him?

"Um, God?"

"Yes, Peter?"

"I think you've got just one too many begats here in Matthew, whaddaya say we cut a few?"


"Right. Leave in the begats. Gotcha."
Here’s the thing.

If I’m in a hotel in Vegas and feeling LONELINESS or SORROW or WEARINESS or TEMPTATION, I sure as shit ain’t lookin’ in the nightstand for help from Gideon’s minions.

I’m heading straight for the mini bar.

Because there’s nothing that a $12 bag of cashews and an $8 shot of Jack can’t cure.
I am listening to: Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
I am reading: The Book of Jack
And I am: Tired but satisfied


Posolxstvo said...

Maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong, but I have been known to leave "Get Out Of Hell Free" cards tucked in the Bibles in hotels. Typically at the 23rd Psalm, possibly the most commonly known chapter of scripture.

I think those cards would come in particularly handy in Vegas. But, and this is important to know, they are not very helpful when having an argument with your spouse.

Just ask my EX-brother-in-law how amused my sister was when he pulled one out on her.