“Did I meet you yesterday while you were setting up your booth?” asks the man standing next to me at the hotel business center.
“Yes, that was me,” I say.
“WOW! You REALLY clean up nice,” he says. “I mean your hair looks GREAT and everything. I don’t mean to offend you but you just look SO MUCH BETTER today.”
Wanted to say: “Hmm, that’s funny. Because you look just the same as yesterday, you fat, follically-challenged little fart-knocker.”
Said: “Thanks.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Of course I looked better.
I wasn’t a sorry little sack of smelly sweat from lugging booth shit for a trade show all morning.
And I wasn’t offended by what he said so much – because it was true, remember?
I was offended by the fact that the officious little fart-knocker stood smack-dab in the center of our booth space supervising my set-up without once offering to lift a finger for 40 minutes.
There’s honesty. And then there’s being a complete ass-hat.
More re: honesty tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Modest Mouse – Missed the Boat
I am reading: Wired magazine
And I am: Trying
2 months ago
5 comments:
I don't think I like your comment about "Follically-challenged." You know....most Bald guys have "Big Hammers."
Wait, wait. I'm feeling geographically challenged. I skimmed the last few posts. You were on a plane, you were in Vegas, you were home, you are now hanging with a fart-knocker. First, what is a fart-knocker? I get the derogatory part. Second, where do fart-knockers ply their trade? The obvious answer is trade shows, but is there any horizontal integration in the profession? Third how many sizes do fart-knockers come in. Yours is little. Do we have petite, small, junior, medium, etc.? These are important questions. Finally, where the hell are you?
ass hat please to be defining this
-- thank you from the linguistically-challenged branch of American foul mouths.
I was in Vegas from Wednesday last week to Sunday night. Home now, but still purging stories from the trade show. I was surprised to find both fart knocker AND ass hat here: www.urbandictionary.com. Although I had never heard fart knocker in terms of someone who is gay or farts on your doorstep, knocks and then leaves - that sure was enlightening. Not sure on the provenance of ass hat but I'm sure there's a brain/ass connection there. :)
My guess -- Ass Hat, one who wears his/her own ass as a hat.
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