Don’t Mind My Wandering Mind

You see a lot of strange shit on commuter trains.

I’m talking about the regular days. Not on the rare occasion when a self-absorbed ass-hat decides to commit suicide and inconvenience thousands of people in the process.

Warning: if you’re eating breakfast (or dinner if you happen to be in Tokyo) you might wanna wait to read what’s next.
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Invisible Man Phenomenon: Involves people in public places who believe no one can actually see them.

On the train ride home about a month ago I watched a guy pick his nose for what seemed like forever. He was holding a book in one hand. And fingering his brain with the other.

He’d take whatever gray treasure he extracted, inspect it briefly, and then pop it in his mouth like a finger full of frosting.

The whole thing is fucked up for sure, but I’m most mystified by the fact that he had to look each time. Maybe the green ones just taste better.
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Women are classic victims of the IMP. Staring intently into hand-held mirrors, these masterful artists pluck and apply and curl themselves into veritable goddesses, all in under an hour.

This is truly confounding for someone like me. Practically every other morning I stab myself in the eye with the pointy mascara thingy just standing still in my bathroom.

I have no idea how they do it on a (often violently) rocking train.
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Just so you know, I’m not against nose pickery in general. Just don’t do it in public. And for Pete’s sake use a Kleenex.
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You may have noticed I’m not really against much. Some have even branded me (oh, horror!) a bleeding heart liberal.

For you true BHL’s I’m not against you, either.

But I’m not one of you.

I’m more of a Libertarian. Leave me alone; let me do what I want to do – responsibly and without hurting others. You do what you want to do without hurting others and without involving me and we’ll get along just fine.

Worship a turnip. Fuck a pumpkin.

I don’t care what you do with your free time as long as you don’t hurt anyone. Especially children, old people and the handicapped.
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All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. – J.R.R. Tolkien from The Fellowship of the Ring
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I am reading: Nothing
I am listening to: Pearl Jam – Better Man
And I am: Wandering