Friday, July 21, 2006

Between the Moon and Mercury

All week I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about this next topic without coming off as a complete nut-job.

Um, Heather? Two words: “Quee. Quee.” Get over it.

Right. Here goes.

Things are out of whack.

It’s been this way for a couple weeks. I started a short list of everything unusual that’s happened but it became a long, rather depressing one and I had to stop.

Friends/family arguments. Unexplained illnesses. Computer issues. Power outages. Missed flights.

On a personal level, it’s things that normally take just a few minutes to do taking all day. People being exceptionally stupid and thoughtless. Nothing seems easy.

Worldwide, it’s this Big Ugly Mess known as the Middle East and that ass-hat in Korea.

Everything everywhere seems to be getting worse, not better.
I’m sure you’re with me on this. A lot of my friends have noticed it, too.

There’s an explanation. And that’s where the whole nut-job thing comes in.

It has to do with the planets.

It’s called Mercury Retrograde. Because of the Earth's movement, planets actually appear to be moving backwards around the sun during certain times throughout the year. When Mercury is in retrograde things related to technology, travel and communication do not function as well.

Look it up.
So you’re telling us that a teeny tiny little planet 50 million miles from Earth made my computer die last week?

Heather, please. Do us a favor. Go back to talking with the bunnies, because this shit is whacked.

Exactly! It’s totally whacked.

But it's the only decent explanation I've found for all the crazy bullshit that's happened so far this month.
I don’t believe in astrology.

But I do believe that the moon holds sway over way more than the tides here on Earth.

Remember my fat mean bitch of a roommate? She worked in the children’s psychiatric ward of a hospital. Like clockwork, her patient count would escalate around the time of a full moon. My other roommate worked in a juvenile detention center; again, the full moon always meant more troubled kids.

More babies are born when the moon is full. And police and fire departments are busier.

And how do you think we got the word lunatic, hm?
It’s never a good idea to start a new project during a Mercury Retrograde. Don’t plan any trips – and if you do, leave yourself extra travel time. When it comes to communication, think before sending that nasty e-mail.

These phases are a good time to clean and organize things. Get rid of clutter. Do all the little unimportant things that you can never quite get to and leave the big things for later.

Later? When, later?

This current Mercury Retrograde ends July 29.

So hang on. Things will get better.
I am listening to: Acceptance – Take Cover
I am reading: Steinberg in the Sun-Times
And I am: Happily waiting for the weekend


the dilf said...

I have to disagree with this RetroGrade's been the nicest summer EVER in the is pretty good...the HDTV works Awesome...the Tigers CRUSHED the white sox AGAIN...and I cant BEAT my wife off of me!!!....LONG LIVE the RetroGrade!!!!!!!!!