Monday, July 10, 2006

The Big Family Scandal

Yes, I realize the politically correct term for midgets is little people. Thanks so much to all you Very Smart People for pointing that out.

Hello? Is this thing on?

If you haven’t noticed by now, we’re fresh outta PC here at HedyBlog.

I like saying the word retard. I use ‘gay’ when something is overly sentimental or silly.

And I love midget.

Midget. Midget. Midget.

If you are offended by what you’re reading, it’s a free country. Feel free to stop reading any time.
We’ve got divorce. Children born to unmarried parents. Drugs. Alcohol. Feuds. And of course, religious whack-jobs.

You name it. In my family, we’ve got it.

It's likely you could check a few from the Laundry List of Family Dysfunction, too.

Here is what’s so interesting: I recently learned that “Heather’s not a Christian” registered fairly high on the family scandal-o-meter.

It appears that my perceived lack of faith is right up there with terminal cancer, divorce and drug addiction.

Secretly, I’m thrilled to be part of a scandal, albeit a lame and misguided one.
I pass a fundamentalist Christian church on my way to the health club.

There’s a huge sign out front that reads: “Connecting with People! Connecting with God!”

This is just a hunch, but I’m guessing they don’t get that people and God are actually one and the same.

The church’s main sign says: “Jesus Lives!”

So I’m also guessing these folks are really big into exclamation points.

Again, just a hunch.
I spent ten minutes on the Internet trying to find the PC term for illegitimate child.

'Children born to unmarried parents' is the best out there.

Whoa, wait a minute, Heather. You’re anti-PC. Why didn’t you just say bastard?

Because if a kid is born a retarded, gay midget and his parents aren’t married, he shouldn’t be called a bastard.

That would be wrong.
I am listening to: Godsmack – Keep Away
I am reading: 1776 (it’s VERY good, please try it)
And I am: Flying to Boston in an hour


Mom said...

Gossip, gossip, gossip. I could write a book on family gossip, and believe me it would be more interesting & hair raising than you, Heather, not being a Christian. I can call you a flag burning slut, I am your mother. Let someone else say something about my daughter, and I will rip them a new ass.