Friday, July 13, 2007

The Irish Cleansing System

Yesterday morning in the shower I made a mental note: Replace scrawny old wafer of soap with robust fresh bar of soap.

The thing about making mental notes in the shower is that you have to think about them before you’re in the shower again.

Admittedly it wasn’t a mental note so much as a fleeting thought that washed down the drain with what remained of the scrawny wafer soap thingy.

So in the shower this morning, thoroughly soaked and sans soap, I search through the bottles on Jim’s side of the shower for something with which to scrub.

“A-HA!” I think. “This looks promising.”

A lovely green bottle. Irish Spring. Aloe.

And then lower, the incomprehensible:

8-hour scent system.

Not only is it a system, but it is an 8-hour scent system.

It’s a small bottle.

Curious, I flip the top and look inside, expecting to see a team of tiny little red-haired leprechauns with tiny little scrub-brushes standing at the ready to make sure all my really smelly parts get clean.

For 8 hours only, though.

It’s a union shop.
The following, compliments of the Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc:

sys·tem n
1. a combination of related elements organized into a complex whole
2. a scheme of ideas or principles, for example, for classification or for forms of government or religion
3. a method or set of procedures for achieving something
4. a physical network of roads, railways, and other routes for travel, transport, or communication
5. a set of organs or structures in the body that have a common function
6. the human or animal body as a unit
7. an assembly of mechanical or electronic components that function together as a unit
8. an assembly of computer hardware, software, and peripherals functioning together
9. the use or result of careful planning and organization of elements
10. a group of celestial bodies or other gravitationally linked objects
Nowhere. No. Where.

Nowhere does smart Encarta mention “a green, manly-yes-but-I-like-it-too liquid with which to scrub yer ass.”

I suppose if I dumped the entire bottle over my head and then stuffed it up my ass it could fit the first description.

Wait. Complex whole. Not hole.

Eh, forget it. I’m going back to Dial.
I am listening to: Everlast – What It’s Like
I am reading: The Onion
And I am: Squeakin’ clean


Posolxstvo said...

"Robust" soap? Are we going to see "robust" crop in all (many of) your posts this month?

(I probably wouldn't have noticed had this word choice not been commented on in a previous post.)

Hedy said...

I did it on purpose yes. Robust robust robust.

Mrs. Pos said...

spinning a new definition:

"robust" - A) a robot with a metal corrosion problem; B) a robot with D-sized hooters (think Rosie from 'the Jetsons')

so ... what'cha think?!

phatdoggy said...

So your arse smelled "fresh as an Irish spring" for eight hours, only to turn to... ???

My showers are boring. Rinse, lather, repeat (yeah, right), shave, scrub everywhere I can reach, rinse and run. Yours, on the other hand, always seem amusing. Thanks for making the mundane a little more... fresh?

-Mr. Uk

Hedy said...

Mrs. Pos: YES! B! Hilarious!!

Dave said...

Mrs. Pos, you need to read some hedyblog archives. Double D's are a former issue, I am right, am I not, Hedy?

Hedy said...

Gone but not forgotten!

DewMama said...

You just like the word "robust" because ya don't have one anymore!!