Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Painting the turd

Occasionally it is apparent when I've 'phoned it in' as far as HedyBlog is concerned.

Take yesterday's entry. It was pretty much a rehash of earlier content with a few extra thoughts added in last minute on the train.

Usually when that happens it is because I'm really busy painting the turd.

Dilbert is a genius. He took what I do and turned it into a simple, easy to understand and even easier to visualize phrase.

I'm in marketing. I spray paint turds for a living.

Beautiful, isn't it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You mean you help sell crap?

Not quite.

I'm extremely fortunate to work for one of those rare high tech firms that isn't actually peddling poop.

But a lot of what these techy business types give me to describe what they do needs to be transformed from its crap-like state into something that is meaningful/compelling for our clients and prospects.

That's where I come in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For example, in two weeks we're hosting a luncheon event about XML Publisher. Do you know what XML Publisher is? Because I sure don't.

Well, at least I didn't know until I had to write the invitation for the event.

The techy business type who is actually doing the presentation provided me with four bullet points describing his content:
  • Create an XML from scratch
  • Modify an existing XMLP object
  • Show how to comparably modify Crystal versus XMLP
  • Examples of XMLP using the 4 different datasources PS_Query, Rowset PeopleCode, XML File and XMLDoc Object
Yep. Would you come to an event to hear about this?

Of course not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God bless the Interweb.

20 minutes on research (the Oracle site was pretty helpful) and the four seemingly worthless bullet points became this:

XML Publisher: Easier Than You Think!

XML Publisher is a robust, template-based reporting solution that allows you to transform application data into easy to create and share documents
using familiar desktop tools like Microsoft Word/Excel and Adobe Acrobat.

But how do you get started? Is there a lot of coding involved? Will XML Publisher replace your current reports? Is it better?

Please join us for an interactive and informative luncheon to learn how XML Publisher is changing the way people create and use reports in a PeopleSoft environment.


Attend this complimentary luncheon and you will:
  • Learn how to create an XML report from scratch, including:
    • Financial reports
    • Purchase orders, sales orders and contracts
    • Pay stubs
    • Government & tax forms
  • Learn how to modify an existing XMLP object
  • Show how to comparably modify Crystal versus XMLP
  • See examples of XMLP using four different data sources: PS_Query, Rowset PeopleCode, XML File and XMLDoc Object
  • Learn how to write to an Adobe Acrobat compatible file (for government forms)
  • Hear XML tips and tricks, and more.
Ta-da!

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But Hedy, I still don't want to come to that event.

Right. Neither do I.

But trust me, there are techy business types who will gobble up this stuff like flies on a turd.

A lovely, lucid, spray-painted turd.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Hedy's NewMix
I am reading: Writing Home by Alan Bennett
And I am: Painting another turd

6 comments:

Posolxstvo said...

As someone who receives many such invitations, let me just say, after all that work spray painting that turd, I hope it turns out to be what you said it is.

You seem like an honest person (golf tee promotions, notwithstanding), so I doubt you have that problem.

But a few years ago I went to a breakfast hosted by a major consultation firm, ostensibly about comparisons of content management systems. There was no comparison -- it was a 2.5 hour sales pitch about how this firm could implement ONE content management solution. Annoyed? You bet. At least I got a free breakfast, pen, and notebook out of it.

Mrs. Pos said...

Isn't is such a head scratcher that we, as kids, could ever have imagined that any of the obscure jobs that adults actually did really existed ... and here we are doing the obscure. Kind of weird and a bit disconbobulating. It makes me rather anxious that I have absolutely NO idea what other cool and creative jobs still exist out there in grown-upland -- I always thought the only options were teacher, doctor, lawyer, policeman. Kinda myopic of me, eh!?

Love your stuff -- I'm now a regular lurker :)

Hedy said...

Mr. Pos, you've hit on my #1 pet peeve when it comes to high tech marketing: When sales overrides providing worthwhile, meaningful content. We hosted a SharePoint 2007 lunch & learn last month and the presenter wanted to include TWELVE slides on the company before getting into the good stuff. My head almost exploded.

Mrs. Pos! Welcome! And thank you so much for being here. You're so right - and what we do here couldn't be more obscure. These days it makes me anxious because I'm not sure I'm qualified to do anything BUT this one obscure thing, if God forbid, something changes in the industry and I'm outta work painting turds. Yikes. :)

phatdoggy said...

You forgot the most important part of the deal... what's for lunch?

-Mr. Uk

DewMama said...

Robust??

Hedy said...

I love robust for some reason. It sounds thisclose to pornographic. Or maybe it's just me. :)