"I watch two shows: Dr. Phil . . . and NASCAR."
That was Monday afternoon at home with the hurty back thing.
I don’t know about you, but hearing that odd combo certainly caught my attention.
So I cracked a fresh Diet Pepsi, adjusted the ice pack on my ass, and twirled up the volume to learn all about Dr. Phil and his crazy minions at Man Camp.
Have you heard of this?
Dr. Phil’s Man Camp is a darling little two-story home on a quiet street somewhere in the U.S.
It's a place where guests on his show go to grow and learn and heal.
All while entertaining millions of loyal viewers!
And God bless him, that bald, drawling host just LOVES telling everyone: "To move on, you have to move in."
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Of course Man Camp is not at all what I imagined.
To me, Man Camp is Jim’s annual trip to Las Vegas with his fraternity brothers.
They gamble. They smoke cigars. They eat steak. They fart.
They spend money on hot naked chicks who would love love love to have deep, meaningful relationships with them for five minutes or at least until the money runs out.
And when my little Man Camper returns he's happy and exhausted and just a little more appreciative of what he’s got at home.
Now THAT’S Man Camp.
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In the summer of 1984, I spent six weeks as a Counselor in Training at Camp Daggett on Walloon Lake in northern Michigan.
Archery. Canoeing. Hiking. Camping. Swimming. Sailing.
Camp is weaving lanyards. It’s singing about Noah and his arky arky before lunch in the mess hall. It’s eating s’mores while wearing matching shirts.
Dr. Phil's Man Camp isn’t like this. Nope.
Man Camp is all cussing and crying and screaming and shit.
Plus, no matching shirts.
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The current inhabitants of Man Camp are all in the midst of troubled marriages and have come to Dr. Phil to be healed.
On national television.
Dr. Phil’s first project: The wives of these sad, sorry men get to mess up Man Camp.
And boy o boy, they really mess it up.
They throw cereal all over the floor and then walk on it. They pull all the dishes out of the cupboards and pour mustard and ketchup all over everything, including the counter tops. You don't even wanna know what they do to the toilets.
Dr. Phil’s bright idea is that these men have got to LEARN how to treat their WIVES better. They’re gonna FINALLY understand what these WOMEN have to DEAL with EVERY day.
The thing is – and I’m sure Dr. Phil knows it – if these guys haven’t learned by now how to be nice to their wives and pick up their poo-poo undies occasionally, spending a week in some stranger’s messy house AIN’T gonna HELP.
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One brilliantly angry dude asks this great question before stomping out of the house:
"How is cleaning up this f*cked up house gonna help my marriage?" Can someone please tell me how this will help me get back together with my wife?"
I sat poised on my ice pack waiting for Dr. Phil to explain.
He didn’t. He couldn’t. Because he knew it wasn’t going to help.
I'm gonna send him an e-mail to suggest lanyards. Strippers. And matching shirts.
I'm not sure if it'll work, but it'll make for some great entertainment.
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I am listening to: Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober
I am reading: Oracle E-Business practice overview draft
And I am: Upright
3 weeks ago
6 comments:
How about a Woman Camp, with Dr. Phil...for all of the Stay at Home Moms.
- who's kids are in school
- who do whatever they want during the day
- who b*tch about everything to their girlfriends
- who shop all they want
- who travel all they want
- who complain that their "Working" husbands left their shirt on the floor
- who have a maid clean the house every other week
- who have Very Nice Cars
- who are "too tired" when their husbands want a little @ss!
BUT...us guys would never be able to watch the show...Because, WE are at work during Dr. Phil!
Reading about what the wives did in "Man Camp" reminded me of the old Andy Griffith episode when Aunt Bee has gone out of town and is heading back home so Andy and Opie dirty the place up to make her feel "needed".....what a difference some 30 odd years make.
bake a cake
SAHMs work hard, too, Mr. HWM! Especially when the munchkins are tiny and at home and need constant feeding/ass-wiping. That said, once the babies grow into self-managing (and wiping) little people, SAHMs have the opportunity to be super involved with their social schedules - schools love Room Mothers - and the work doesn't end, it just changes. I think the tennis-playing, shopping, traveling SAHMs you're referring to are the exception rather than the rule. That said: Will you marry me? :)
Mr. Hard Working Man: Since my head almost exploded when I read your comments, Hedy said I had to reply. Hedy's blog, Hedy's rules :)
You wrote:
How about a Woman Camp, with Dr. Phil...for all of the Stay at Home Moms.
~~~~~~
- who's kids are in school:
I have been a SAHM for 15 years now, and this August will the FIRST time that all 4 of my kids are in school--of course it's at 3 different schools, so I'll be spending about 2 hours each morning and 2 hours each afternoon dropping off and picking up
~~~~~~
- who do whatever they want during the day:
Oh, yeah--I love doing laundry for 6 people twice a week, cleaning up after 6 humans and 2 pony-sized dogs every day, trying to come up with dinners that all 6 of us will eat, letting the dogs out 12 times a day, balancing the checkbook--very tricky with one income, being chair of 2 committees and sub-chair of 2 committees on the PTA Board at the Elementary School, being chair of 1 committee on the PTSA Board at the Middle School, helping with homework, running errands, and my personal favorite--chaperoning field trips
~~~~~~
- who b*tch about everything to their girlfriends:
I wouldn't know about this--when my friends and I are together, we always seem to talk about sex
~~~~~~
- who shop all they want:
My favorite--shopping-- groceries for a family of 6, dog food, school supplies, clothes at the thrift store, pool chlorine, more groceries....
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- who travel all they want:
Now this I agree with--I travel quite a bit--I travel to the high school to drop off my daughter, back home, to my friend's house to pick up her 2 kids, to the elementary school to drop off 2 more of my kids and 1 of my friend's kids, to the middle school to drop off the last of my kids and 2-5 others. Then about 4 1/2 hours later, I get to do it all over again--only this time I get to sit in 2 carpool lines in the sweltering Florida heat.
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- who complain that their "Working" husbands left their shirt on the floor:
MY husband doesn't leave his clothes on the floor
~~~~~~
- who have a maid clean the house every other week:
Puh-lease
~~~~~~
- who have Very Nice Cars:
I get SO many jealous looks from other people when they see me tooling around in my 8 passenger Toyota minivan
~~~~~~
- who are "too tired" when their husbands want a little @ss!
Personally, I can't think of a better way to end the day!! The more tired I am, the more I need it. BTW, sex is great for getting rid of headaches.
Now, if you will all excuse me, I have to make dinner!!
DewMama: Will you marry me, too? :)
where was I when these comments were flying around?
I'm in very much agreement with DM and Hedy (thank you ladies!!)
But than again, I'm just ANOTHER one of "those" SAHM that usually has one incident a day that involves cleaning poop off my middle childs fingers due to his incessant urge to touch his rear after the package has been dropped off in his pull up.
HWM you seem to have us all figured out, perhaps you should try being a SAHM for oh, maybe a week. I'm hiring.
Always,
Crusty~
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