Thursday, March 13, 2008

Putting the ass in assignation


How long before his last name becomes a fun little euphemism for idiots who pay wayyyy tooooo much for anonymous ass?
According to the Chicago Tribune, his wiener is a crime scene.

Yes. His wiener. Is a crime scene.

Tiny yellow bits of tape. Trampled manscaping. Chubby little frowny-faced cops scrambling around his ballsack shouting ‘nothing to see here, folks’.

And your intrepid reporter, newshound Hedy, straddling the scene.

“Back to you, Peter.”

I guess that’s what you call it when you pay $5500 dollars for a piece of ass.

What do you call a $5 handjob from a one-armed junkie prostitute in a bathroom stall at a bar across from the train station in Aurora?

In the case of at least one loyal HedyBlog reader: A possible family reunion.
By the way, this is the smart guy who beat me to the ass/assignation thing.

It popped into my head on Monday after seeing that strange, wonderful word in the Washington Post or the New York Times or somewhere.

If I’d published when I thought of it…anyway, here’s to you, Chat Wrecker.
Editorial note: In this section, I was going to pick on Spitzer's wife for staying with him. The brilliant, diabolical plan involved drawing an unkind comparison between Silda Spitzer and Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.

But it wouldn't be right because I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation.

Wait. Yes I do.

"FIFTY-FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? Next time, get a $5 handjob from the one-armed junkie prostitute and I'LL GO SHOPPING."
What is with these high-flying Democrats who risk everything for meaningless moments of muff?

If you’re a politician and you find the need to stray, at least get a little freaky with it like that tap-dancin’-in-the-crapper Republican from Idaho or that other dude from Florida with his penchant for hot young male congressional pages.

And I don’t care how much it costs, there’s no puss on the planet worth the pain and humiliation of losing your family, your career and your reputation.

Of course I’ve never paid $5500 for an hour-long assignation, so what the hell do I know?
I am listening to: Shirley Bassey - Where Do I Begin (Away Team Mix)
I am reading: The God Delusion
And I am: So ready for sunshine and sandy toes


Susan said...

I have heard that guys who are egomaniac assholes don’t have big crime scenes.

only in their dreams


Gives new meaning to the term, Cock Nazi.
wait, no it doesn't, does it? But it's a word that's fun to say!


you know who.. said...

Yes, the one-armed junkie prostitute is my cousin (say it loud/say it proud). Actually I have a soft spot in my heart for her. She turned me on to Warren Zevon back in the 70's, and later bumped me out of contention for family black-sheep. I took a good run at the title back in the late 70's, but heroin addiction and prostitution really tipped it in for her.