“What the HELL is this crazy broad doing?”
That was the dude walking behind me on the way from the parking lot to the 7:42 train this morning.
Every few steps I’d stop, bend over, and stare intently at my shoes.
“You’re not gonna believe this,” I tell Mom.
“What?”
“I’m wearing two different colored shoes.”
“No.”
“Yes. One black. One brown.”
“Well,” she says between laughs. “It’s a good excuse to go out at lunch and buy some new ones.”
~~~~~~~~~~
You’ve had one of those days.
It’s a stain on your shirt. Or a missing button.
Or maybe two different colored socks.
The whole day you’ve got this vaguely uncomfortable feeling, because it’s all SHOES! LOOK AT MY SHOES! I AM AN IDIOT! WITH SHOES!
SHOES! SHOES! SHOES!
~~~~~~~~~~
Fun fact: Did you know that ‘shouting at your shoes’ is a British euphemism for barfing?
I briefly entertain the thought of throwing up on my shoes so no one will notice they’re different.
VOMIT! VOMIT SHOES! SHOE VOMIT!
~~~~~~~~~~
Shoes, Hedy? What happened? Is this job from hell thing affecting you that much?
That would be a fabulous excuse, but no.
It was dark. I grabbed two of the same shoe from the closet and put them on.
Here’s the deal: I’m not a shopper. On the great continuum of fashion consciousness, I’ve been in a persistent vegetative state since 1979.
So if I find a pair of shoes that are remotely comfortable and look good, I usually buy them in different colors.
The worst part? This isn't the first time the wrong shoe thing has happened.
Although last time it was way worse.
One navy blue pump. One brown. Plus I was wearing a skirt.
Now THAT was a day for SHOES!
~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Paolo Nutini – New Shoes
I am reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
And I am: SHOES!
3 weeks ago
4 comments:
Hedy - we must go shopping together....I love to shop Von Maur - Yorktown store's clearance room - great shoes - discounted prices and they even match!
we'll buy a batch
Have you ever blown out the seat of your pants?
I was tucking my shirt in during a "rest stop" at work, and found that the buttock region had grown a bit thread-bare. I only realized this when I was tucking in the back of my shirt and put my hand right through my pants. With some strategic walking back to my desk, I threw on my long winter coat and called my sis to ask her to deliver another pair of pants to me.
Fun.
It was one of those overnight business trips with a "very important client."
I was getting dressed in the morning when I realized that the nice big pile of dark dress socks I had laid next to the overnight bag back home had somehow failed to get themselves into the bag.
All I had was the pair of white athletic socks I was wearing on the drive down the night before.
I went out and took a walk, hoping to find a store open that time of the morning, but the only place open was the CVS pharmacy, and all they had were women's varicose vein control socks.
In the end, I wore the white socks.
To this day, I don't remember what the meeting was about, but I remember vividly the anxious feeling of keeping my pant cuffs pushed down and my feet firmly wedged under the conference table.
I really think it's time for you to replace that light bulb in your closet,..don't you think? I mean, geesh, people are going to start talking..first two different types of shoes, next up, undie on the boobies and bras on the punny.
I have had those days,..I could've passed you some poop to wipe on to shade the hues of your shoes, based on the occurence (sp???) yesterday in my happy household.
happy weekend!
Always,
Elizabeth
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