Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A CRAPTACULAR BLOG EVENT!

It happened three times in less than 10 minutes of prime time TV last night.

AN INCREDIBLE MOVIE EVENT!

A SPECIAL TWO-HOUR TV EVENT!

A SPECTACULAR SALES EVENT!

Have you noticed this?

Here’s the formula used by marketing morons to make everyday shit sound extra super special:

Poly-Syllabic Adjective + Benign Noun or Vowel + ‘Event’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of my biggest grammar-related peeves is when people use extra words or syllables.

It’s not a movie event. It’s a movie.

It’s not a TV event. It’s a show.

And it’s not a SPECTACULAR PRE-OWNED SAVINGS EVENT.

It’s a USED CAR SALE, ya fatuous fuck-knob.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know. Fatuous is a whole lotta syllables just to say silly but I liked the semi-alliterative sound, so shaddap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What’s worse, once you notice this irritating trend you can’t keep from applying the formula to your own mundane tasks.

Seriously. This morning, I was all:

GOOD MORNING, FOLKS! Are you READY? Because it’s TIME for an ELECTRIFYING BOWEL-EVACUATING EVENT!

Soon to be followed by a MINTYLICIOUS DENTAL CLEANSING EVENT!

Up next: A SOAP-O-RIFFIC BUTT-SCRUBBING EVENT!

And where do these silly marketers get all of their energy?

I was totally exhausted and needed a good cry by the time I got to this morning’s INSPIRING SOCK-APPLYING EVENT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: All That I Want – The Weepies
I am reading: The Playboy Philosophy
And I am: In the midst of a REMARKABLE RAIL-RELATED COMMUTER EVENT

3 comments:

DewMama said...

Isn't the "sock-applying event" the same as the "butt-scrubbing event" at your house??!!

Posolxstvo I said...

This is the blog post you won't want to miss. The post everyone will be talking about. Ripped from today's headlines. The must see blog posting event of the season.

Who the hell do they think they're fooling anyway?

Any wonder why I don't watch much TV?

If I wanted to watch a company / organization self-fellatiate like they do, I'd have stayed at work instead of gone home.

Anonymous said...

This is a
high-flying
death-defying
gut-wrenching
soul-searching
nose-wiping
slut-douching
knob-polishing
nurse-pinching
nose-picking
toe-jamming
gas-pumping
kitchen-cooking
door-closing
vote-counting
jar-opening
oil-changing
tree-trimming
jim-feeding
toilet-flushing
skin-tanning
bust-squeezing
turkey-basting
potato-mashing
cranberry-scooping
apple pie-baking
beer-guzzling
post dinner-napping
weight-gaining
Thanksgiving Event!!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you
life-loving
gift-giving
early-shopping
tree-trimming
candy-making
santa-impersonating
It'sAWonderfulLife-watching
glucose-gobbling
Christmas-celebrating
people!

Gromit

Oh I forgot... Event