Monday, January 26, 2009

Blown again

It happens a few times a year. I blow a mental fuse.

Most of the time it has to do with being over-socialized, like after a trade show. Sometimes it has to do with being fired.

Thankfully, this time it's more of the self-induced variety.

I went to a weekend class recommended by my boss and several others I know professionally. It kinda fucked with my head - which is exactly what it was designed to do. I learned more about myself in that weekend than I have in more than a few years of self-indulgent navel gazing. Some of it wasn't very pretty. Some of it was irritating. Some of it was downright lovely. All of it was enlightening.

Remember the year of fear and comfort? Well this is part of that.

I've been wayyyy too comfortable for wayyyy too long and it's time to shake things up a bit.

So I'm going on this big scary adventure.

I'm petrified. For brief moments I'm really angry (because I like my comfortable life just the way it is.) Most of the time I'm more present and compassionate than I've been in quite some time.

Which is kinda cool.

This adventure. It's going to take a year, maybe longer. Sometimes I will share what I'm learning, sometimes not.

But I expect to be writing again soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: An extremely irritating episode of 24
I am reading: Empire Falls by Richard Russo
And I am: Blown again

3 comments:

Susan's Snippets said...

Hedy -

Forge ahead my good friend...forge ahead!

no dread

fermicat said...

Wow. You're doing all that, and I am just mired in the same ole shit as always. Well, except I did start taking the bull by the horns at work. They weren't giving me anything interesting to work on, so rather than non-stop bitching about it, I started just taking the fun stuff without asking. So far, so good. I wish I could stop feeling mildly guilty about it.

mirzadude said...

waitaminute..... r u? did u? bored at work? still working?

thought u loved it there.

again? why?