Saturday, January 10, 2009

Heather is gassy

Practically everyone I know is on Facebook now. Work people. Ex-work people. Friends. Family.

Which can be tricky. For example:

Update status: "Heather is trying to figure out what the hell to get Jim for Christmas."

Rodney Lee commented on your status:
"Here's a hint: it rhymes with glowjob."

Which was a great idea.

Except now all of my (relatively) new co-workers know that I know what a glowjob is and that one of my husband's best friends knows me well enough to suggest the giving of it in celebration of the birth of our Lord, the Cuddly Wuddly Christ.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's hoping all of this incessant status updating will fade out eventually. Or perhaps people will start sharing what they're really doing. Wouldn't that be fun?

Instead of: "Heather is chilling on the couch watching the snow."

It will be: "Heather is farting so much from the chicken parm sliders at TGI Friday's that Gromit has left the room."

Whaddaya say, folks? You in?

If I started the "Heather is Farting and Other Reality-Based Facebook Status Updates" group, would you join?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: The washing machine
I am reading: My guy Neil's Saturday column
And I am: Gassy

5 comments:

Dave said...

I was not on, am not on, nor will I be on Facebook, Twitter or the other ones. I've reached my comfort level of instant communication with cellphones, Email, texting (it bothers me that I'm doing it) and blogging, all where ever and all the the time I'm anywhere.

But, where ever, when ever, you use the phrase Cuddly Wuddly Christ, I will follow you, I'll be there:

"You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back

Where there is love, I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you

I'll be there with a love that's strong I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that's all I'm after

Whenever you need me, I'll be there, I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you

Just call my name and I'll be there

If you should ever find someone new, I know he'd better be good to you

cause if he doesn't, I'll be there
Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah
I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there

(just look over your shoulders, honey - oo)

I'll be there, I'll be there, whenever you need me, I'll be there
Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah

I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there...

Good Cuddly Wuddly Christ, that was a mess of a cut and paste. I'm not there to correct all of the punctuation. It was enough to add most, I think, of the apostrophes. Periods and commas, you're on your own. Grommit, if you're bored, feel free to fix the rest.

Susan's Snippets said...

Susan was just picking her nose while reading Hedy's blog.

unclog

Daijobu des said...

I sure as hell would join since I think, the posting of what non-exciting, crap that only you would care about, things that we all do and don't tell anyone because its boring, stuff needs to end.

Someone I saw on FB said they were going to bed. Who cares! Don't we all do that at least once a day? So if we are going to post what I am doing, I took a massive one this morning after a large coffee and bowl of granola. There I said it!

Let the bodily functions be announced.

molly gras said...

Hedy, honey, you've started a revolution of sorts here ... you've got Dave singing to the almighty Cuddly Wuddly and you've got Susan announcing her crusty extractions and poor D.d. has typed out some pretty personal crap!

You really are one mover and a shaker (and I could care less if you are odoriferous ... my gaseous emissions would have you begging for mercy!)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

uh..I think I would be happy to join..but you're not going to go all "ratemypoo" on us are you? Or before long it'll be YOUTUBE sound affects? Uh, that may be a bit tough to "swallow." After all, I've got enough gas in my ass. :)

Hope all is well with you!

POO! (had do do it SusieQ) :)

E