I really blew it this time.
We here at HedyBlog are usually on top of these things, but not this week.
Have you heard of this?
March 14 was Steak and Blow Job Day.
And I didn’t even get him a card.
Damn. I suck.
Or not.
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We need more holidays for men, don’t ya think?
‘Cause let’s face it, Valentine’s Day and Sweetest Day are all about the ladies.
Cards. Chocolate. Jewelry. Romance.
Men hate that crap.
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How about Scratch Your Sack Day? Wait. That’s every day in our house.
Porn and Chicken Wings Day? Not a great combo if you’re alone. Although it would add a whole new meaning to finger-lickin’ good.
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“Darn, we missed it,” I say to Jim yesterday via e-mail. “I guess we could have a belated celebration.”
“I’ll go get steaks.”
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So, tell us, Hedy. What did you do on March 14?
Well, speaking of suck, we went to a good old-fashioned pizza joint in Montgomery. It was a family favorite of Jim’s growing up and he hadn’t been there in 20 years.
The restaurant itself didn’t suck at all. It was quite good. Wonderful, wafty pizza-baking smells, video games, and graffiti (“Josh is grossie!” and Catelyn Worked HERE!”) over every square inch of the place. My kinda place.
However, while placing our order, I noticed this book sitting on the counter: Why Your Life Sucks by Alan Cohen.
First thought: Even if I’m reading a book with that unfortunate title, I’m not taking it out in public. And certainly not to work, of all places.
Who buys a book like this? If your life sucks that badly, do you really think some silly little paperback will help?
What would make me buy a self-help book if I’m the one who fucked up my life in the first place? If your life is such a train wreck, you're pretty much the LAST person who should be helping you.
Right?
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Do men really need a special day for steak and a little dome?
In a perfect world, wouldn't that be at least once a week? Seriously.
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Fourth of July. Beer, plenty of grilled red meat, and blowing up stuff.
Now that’s a man’s holiday.
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I am listening to: Karen Carpenter - Superstar
I am reading: Neil Steinberg -- who doesn't suck, ever
And I am: Celebrating
5 months ago
4 comments:
Hedy, you are the only wife in America who reminded their husband of "Steak and BlowJob Day." I bet 90% of your male readers haven't had a "Hummer" in over a year (my last one, Jan 1, 2000). My old lady would rather have her teeth pulled out with No Novacaine. And all you broads wonder why we cheat on you!
Now this is a Man's Dream, "Buns to the Sky Day!!!!"
I hate to break it to you BGB, but Hedy isn't the only one to recognize SBJD! We call it Eat Steak and Make out day, so it's a win win situation, regardless of who gets sucked and who get's licked. At the risk of embarassing her fellow friend and coworker, that's a common Holiday in our house.
I'm guessing Boner Gone bad's name is Mike, as the main issue his toothless wife has with him, is his lack of minutes in the bedroom. One Minute Mike. No wonder there's cheating, men like this that still can't get it right in the bedroom after X amount of years of marriage have no other choice but to blame their wives,therefore seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere, rather than admit to themselves that they are truly awful in bed.
Bit that Bun to the sky, OMM!
Great Read Hedy! I look forward to seeing more of your many "talents." :)
Do we really need more holidays for men?
We'll take it, but I provide these words of caution:
I believe the reason we have Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day is so there are at least 3 days (when is my wife's birthday?...) out of the year that men are forced to come out of our hedonistic stupor and do something for our wives.
Men are natural takers; it is a basic instinct. This should conjure images of the caveman who, upon seeing the object of his affection, cracks her over the head with a club and drags her home. We fight wars over land, resources, and women in our relentless pursuit of accumulating stuff.
It embodies the way we view the world. I have never heard a guy say that he “gave his girlfriend/wife head.” “I ate her out,” would be the phrase heard in men’s locker rooms.
We’re not givers, and even when we’re fed up enough to say, “I’m not takin’ this shit anymore.” All the ladies know we’ll calm down and come back for more.
It was only in the past century that the “fair” sex has sought to get something back. In 1920, women were finally allowed the constitutional right to vote in elections in the U.S. (and I wonder how many “steak and BJ days” occurred before the all-male Congress passed that bill.)
Hold the line ladies. My wife tells me everyday (like “scratch your sac day”) is Man Day, for which I have no reply because I know it’s true. Women of the world need to keep taking more cause the men folk are not giving anything away.
Two points:
BGB: If you're gonna cheat, you'll always find a reason. Seven years or seven days without a blowjob, doesn't matter. Of course, I think in some states seven years without a blowjob is considered abandonment so you might have something there. :)
CBG: Yes, men are hedonistic. But what's more shallow? Women who only look at men for the security they provide? Or men who only look at women for the sex they provide?
Thanks for the great comments!
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