Plates for pedophiles

We don’t talk about child molesters too much here because it tends to bring out Homicidal Hedy. She’s about as charming as a turd on a dinner plate and none too cute, either.

But yesterday I burst out laughing after seeing this news blurb on the tiny Captivate TV in an elevator at my office building:

“Lawmakers Propose Fluorescent Green License Plates for Convicted Sex Offenders”
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Have you heard about this?

Two politicians in Ohio want pedophiles to have special license plates to make them easier to spot.

Kinda like that game you played on long boring car trips with your family.
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First thought: Bicycles. They’ll just ride bikes. Must buy stock in Schwinn.
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“Can you come pick me up?”
“Again? Why?”
“They destroyed my car. Again.”
“This is the fifth car in five weeks, Harv. It’s time to think about a skateboard or something.”
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Some day in the not too distant future you’ll be driving through Ohio, maybe to visit Cedar Point in Sandusky, and you’ll see a car with one of them bright fluorescent green license plates.

You’ll stare. Of course.

Would you make sure he sees you, then frown, shake your head and wag your finger at him? Or would you maybe show him that other not so pleasant finger? Would you cut him off?

Or, if you’re a man who was sexually assaulted as a young boy, would you follow that guy with the green plates all the way home and beat the living shit out of a stranger because you think it might make that ginormous, constant hurt inside of you go away for a little while?
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Bob is a convicted sex offender. He raped his 8-year-old niece. After serving his time, Bob is out of prison and on the road. Ted is Bob’s brother. Ted has forgiven his brother for raping his daughter because sometimes people do that. Ted – who has never even received a traffic citation – borrows Bob’s car to go to the store. Whilst hopping out of Bob’s car in the parking lot of the local Piggly Wiggly, he is approached by several Homicidal Hooligans who knock him down and crush his tiny little Ted head.

I guess that’s the only upside for the pedophile: No one will ever ask to borrow your car.
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Here’s the problem I have with these absurd license plate programs and sex offender registration lists: People who want to fuck children can’t be fixed.

Making more silly little laws like these won’t change that fact. All they do is promote hostility and vigilantism – which ultimately leads to more innocent people being hurt.

And that's not funny.
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I am listening to: Tori Amos - Winter
I am reading: Nothing
And I am: Not homicidal