Sweet Jesus in a sleeping bag

We watched the movie Jesus Camp Sunday night.

Have you heard of it? It’s a pseudo-documentary about an Evangelical Christian camp for children in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota.

I’m calling it a pseudo-documentary because the people who created it obviously had one agenda: To make Evangelical Christians look like First Class Whack-Jobs.

To be sure, the Christians in Jesus Camp do a pretty good job of helping out the movie’s whack-job agenda.

But the documentary is seriously flawed because it doesn’t make the case for why we should care about what these relatively benign, faithful people choose to believe or do in their spare time.
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What goes on at an Evangelical Christian camp for children?

A whole lotta prayin’ to be sure.

They prayed to Jesus so that PowerPoint would work right during their presentations. And they prayed to Jesus to end abortion.

I don’t blame them for not having faith in Bill Gates, but it sure seems like that dead baby thing might need a little more attention from Jesus right about now.

Because if you’re praying over software, where does it stop?

“Sweet Jesus, I ask you to make this painful hemorrhoid go away so my butthole won’t hurt s’much anymore. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

I don’t have a hemorrhoid, but you can be damn sure if I did, I’d be going to Walgreen’s for some of that butt paste rather than troubling Jesus with it.

For sure.
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The folks at this camp also spoke in tongues quite a bit. If you’ve never seen someone speak in tongues it can be disturbing and more than a little frightening.

Speaking in tongues is an extremely demonstrative way of praying that supposedly involves a person being taken over by the Holy Spirit and speaking in a language that only God can hear. Or something.

I lived with a woman (long story) for two weeks who liked speaking in tongues first thing in the morning. But I always got the impression that she was putting on a show rather than doing it for some higher cause.

And this, well, this is particularly twisted: She’d start moaning and panting and groaning, yelling “Oh, Jesus. Ooooohhhh Jesus, OH JESUS!”

It always sounded as if she was filled with way more than the Holy Spirit, if ya know what I mean.
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The people who created this documentary did everything thing they could to make the Evangelicals look like Muslim terrorists. But the sweet-faced, bright and articulate kids belied that comparison.

But Heather, the lady who runs that Jesus Camp is brainwashing all those young campers.

I don’t think so. It seemed like any youngster attending that camp was already getting heapin’ teaspoons o’ Jesus at home. They weren’t hearing anything new, but reaffirming what they already believe.

And what do they believe? That they should love others. That they’re in a war against sin. And that they need to do everything they can to be good in Jesus’ eyes so they can get to heaven some day.

So what’s wrong with that?
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Honestly, I was all ready to be outraged by people who hijack Jesus for hate-filled agendas designed to separate people rather than unite them.

But the folks in Jesus Camp were mostly harmless, good-hearted people who felt a strong need for spiritual guidance in their lives and wanted to make a difference by sharing their experiences with others.

You’re gonna be surprised, but here’s what I got out of Jesus Camp: God Bless A-goddamn-merica. And hallelujah, too.

Because if you want to pray, cry and babble your brains out to Jesus or whoever, the U.S.A. is just the place to do it.
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I am listening to: Sublime – What I Got
I am reading: Vanity Fair magazine – Sopranos issue
And I am: More tolerant than you think