I thought this was pretty zippy considering the speed limit is 45. But with no workers around, I figured it was a good risk.
All of a sudden, a chick in a minivan zooms up outta nowhere and sits on my bumper.
“Golly gee,” I think, “This nice woman is in an awfully big hurry. I best get out of her way as she’s obviously going somewhere Very Important.”
Who the hell am I kidding?
Here’s what I really thought: “Goddamn crazy bitch. She thinks where she’s going is So Much More Important than where everyone else is going.”
It’s Sunday so in spite of the swearing I’m feeling somewhat generous of spirit and change lanes to let her pass.
She speeds by and that’s when I see it: A Christian fish below the rear window, hanging on for dear life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m on my way to the train station this morning, already yapping with Mom as I leave the house.
By some small miracle, there’s no traffic so I pull out of my subdivision behind a school bus. The school bus takes the right lane and I move into the far left lane to pass.
There’s a car about a half-mile behind coming up fast so I accelerate to get around the bus and outta the way.
Too late. Before I can switch to the right lane, the guy zips by, cutting off the bus to take the right lane.
Yep, you guessed it. Another Christian fish.
What’s with these people?
And during Lent, for Christ's sake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you’re going to advertise the fact that you’re a Christian aren’t you somewhat obligated to, I don’t know, act like one?
Follow the rules of the road. Be considerate of others. Use that God-given turn signal maybe.
Or not.
Maybe as Christians, these folks are fearless. They know they’re saved. They just know they’re heading to heaven.
They drive like idiots because they’re not afraid to die.
They think they’re getting to heaven just a little bit ahead of the rest of us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: 50 Cent – Hate It or Love it
I am reading: Magazines
And I am: Calm
7 comments:
Pot? Kettle?
LOL.
I'm a pagan. We drive fast because we know we're going to Hell and can't wait to see all our friends there. :)
Yes, I was with you when the nice policeman pulled you over. I also remember you telling me about the time a guy was riding your bumper, and he lifted up his state police hat letting you know that he was an off duty, but you better slow down. I'll tell you what, trade in your car for a donkey, and you will know how Jesus would drive. I worry about you.
Turn signals: Either people quit using these nifty devicies or our vehicle manufactures installed faulty switches across every vehicle make/model. WTF, can't people just use these damn things anymore. I can't tell you how many times I'm making a left turn onto a road and the driver coming from my left to right makes a turn right in front of me. Had he/she used their signal, I could have made my left turn. Sometimes I think I can understand road rage.
Someone driving faster than YOU? In a minivan no less? I'm speechless.....
Hey hedy, saw this and naturally thought of you:
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."
HILARIOUS. Thanks for making me laugh this morning. :)
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