Pure really stinks

"How come you never wear the perfume I got you for Christmas?" asks Jim last night.

"Because. . . sometimes it gives me a headache," I say.

"It's better than that other stuff you wear," he says.

"You mean the stuff that makes me smell like your mom?"

"Right."
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The last two Christmases, I've asked Jim to buy me perfume -- something he likes and picks out himself.

I was more than a little nervous because perfume is extremely personal. And, not that Jim has bad taste, but there was a slight chance I could've ended up smelling like a $2 whore.

Thankfully the experiment was successful and I smelled like Calvin Klein Euphoria that year.

Not so much this year.

It's called Pure by Eddie Bauer. Its stinky sweet smell gives me a mild headache Right There between my eyes.
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"Pure?"

Yes. Shaddap.
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"$2 whore?"

Please. Seriously.

I charge WAY MORE than that these days. Especially after the boob job.
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Pure options:

1) I could spray it in the toilet every morning until it's gone.
2) I could wear it once a week and take Advil.
3) I could accidentally on purpose drop the bottle on the bathroom tile and take lots of Advil.
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And finally: Happy Birthday to our good friend "I'm so glad you're not a woman" Chris.

Best wishes, buddy.
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I am listening to: Candy - Iggy Pop & Kate Pierson
I am reading: Three Cups of Tea
And I am: Smelly