Friday, May 18, 2007

Pure really stinks

"How come you never wear the perfume I got you for Christmas?" asks Jim last night.

"Because. . . sometimes it gives me a headache," I say.

"It's better than that other stuff you wear," he says.

"You mean the stuff that makes me smell like your mom?"

The last two Christmases, I've asked Jim to buy me perfume -- something he likes and picks out himself.

I was more than a little nervous because perfume is extremely personal. And, not that Jim has bad taste, but there was a slight chance I could've ended up smelling like a $2 whore.

Thankfully the experiment was successful and I smelled like Calvin Klein Euphoria that year.

Not so much this year.

It's called Pure by Eddie Bauer. Its stinky sweet smell gives me a mild headache Right There between my eyes.

Yes. Shaddap.
"$2 whore?"

Please. Seriously.

I charge WAY MORE than that these days. Especially after the boob job.
Pure options:

1) I could spray it in the toilet every morning until it's gone.
2) I could wear it once a week and take Advil.
3) I could accidentally on purpose drop the bottle on the bathroom tile and take lots of Advil.
And finally: Happy Birthday to our good friend "I'm so glad you're not a woman" Chris.

Best wishes, buddy.
I am listening to: Candy - Iggy Pop & Kate Pierson
I am reading: Three Cups of Tea
And I am: Smelly


Dave said...

Jim has more confidence than I do. I've bought perfume for one woman in my life.

Looking back, it may have been the the reason she came back from the Christmas break at school, our Junior year, with a new boyfriend.

I've never revealed this. Here it is. Estee Lauder. Not just some one good thing, but the garbage package of stuff they and every other company promote at Christmas to stupid guys. I gave it to her just before the break, our last night before the long six weeks.

May not have been the stuff, as she didn't have the obligatory reciprocal gift with her. Hadn't thought of that in years. It wasn't the smelly stuff that turned her off. Damn, it was me. I'm crushed.