Tuesday, May 29, 2007

So this is how it’s going to be

I dropped the cap for my Mary Kay face cleanser in the shower this morning.

“So this is how it’s going to be today,” I thought.

Then I dropped a fresh tampon in the toilet. (I know: Ew.)

Next, my mobile phone died in the middle of Mom even though it was on the charger all night.

Then I got stuck behind three giant orange Asplundh tree-eating trucks doing 30 mph all the way to train.

It’s not a bad day by any stretch.

But it’s 8 a.m. and it’s way too early to be this irritated.
At least I’m not alone.

Mom said she’s having the same kind of day.

Small, silly, irritating things that signal nothing will go smoothly today.
Even now, on the last express into the city, nothing feels quite right.

I am sitting up top alone. It’s quiet, now that the professional douchebag with the tattoo on the back of his neck who calls everyone “brother” has stopped talking on his phone.

But the seat is uncomfortable and the skirt is bunched up under my ass and the train is rocking a little more than usual and one of my contacts is fogged up for no good reason and all I can think is: Please let me make it to my desk without my skirt flying up or tripping on the stairs or something like that.

The thing is, everything should be going well. I’ve made good decisions so far. I was outta bed like a shot at 4:30 a.m. to work out. Doing that is supposed to virtually guarantee a good day.

And yet.
Plus, the weekend was perfect.

In spite of it being nothing like originally planned (I was supposed to be in Palm Springs with Nelson & Chris), it was exactly how Memorial weekend should be: Plenty of friends, sunshine, Jack Daniels, bratwurst, yard work, Scrabble, cheeseburgers, tequila, cream cheese brownies (thank you, Ms. Moo!), and walkies.

And yet.
Okay. Whew. I made it to the desk without skirt blowage or trippage.

But when I got here, the Mac couldn’t find the wireless mouse or keyboard. It could see my neighbor’s keyboard and mouse. But not mine, sitting right here on the desk.

So I had to reboot (which never, ever happens with a Mac) and wait while it finally got its shit together.

Then, I was IM’ing two friends and got the conversations mixed up and ended up saying some rather Bad Swears to a person who is not accustomed to hearing them this early in the morning.

And so it goes.
Have you had days like this? Where, in spite of your best efforts, nothing seems to go right or well?

And no, I won’t blame it on the Universe or that silly Mercury retrograde thing this time.

I won’t blame it on anything except that’s how things go some times.

Now the mouse is telling me that its battery is low. And I think I'm catching a cold.

Again, this is not a bad day by any standard.

But damn.
I am listening to: Ozzy – I Don’t Wanna Stop
I am reading: Three Cups
And I am: Saying Bad Swears


the clem said...

let's turn bad into good!

-Get some new face wash...Mary Kay is a ho anyways.
-always tie the tampon to your finger first.. duh!
-sounds like your phone is a p.o.s....get a new one, I recommend the blackberry pearl
-the gas pedal is on the right, if someone is driving 30mph, get some b*lls and go around them!
-if you don't like Paco's tattoo, tell him.....sissy
-let the skirt fly...cheap thrills for everyone! Your day might be bad, but you might makes someones better.
-Throw your batteries at the wall and yell..."Who the F*ck has some batteries!"
-Tell the b*tch who doesn't like swearing to pound @ss!

there!...now you've had a Great Day

phatdoggy said...

"-the gas pedal is on the right, if someone is driving 30mph, get some b*lls and go around them!"

Or over them if your vehicle is BIG ENOUGH.

Cream cheese brownies and the #1 Google hit for "my ass is getting so big."
... sweetness.

-Mr. Uk

Hedy said...

I am really surprised no one (Chris?) commented on the fact that I'm hormonally impaired might have a teensy-weensy little to do with how I'm viewing the world today. Ah, well, thanks for the laughs guys. NOW BRING ME SOME CHOCOLATE!