Monday, January 28, 2008

Phone peeves

Stricken with a rare flash of brilliance, I am compelled to call a co-worker and share the news.

“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s up, I figured out the solution to your CRM problem and…”

“Could I call you back?" he interrupts. "I’m in the middle of something.”

Then WHY did you ANSWER the PHONE, ya silly little FUCK-NUT?
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You’re in the middle of ‘something’.

Which means you’re taking a colossal dump or getting a hand job from Britney Spears or perhaps both, given that mangy twat's merry state of insanity.

The phone rings. And you answer it. Why?

This is number one on my list of phone peeves: People who answer the phone only to tell you they can’t talk to you.
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There’s something perversely Pavlovian about a ringing phone.

If it rings we must answer. Like sad lonely dogs hungry for attention.

We’re conditioned to respond to ringing phones and doorbells as if what we’re doing with our lives is trivial and meaningless until someone, ANYONE requires our attention.

I believe this with all my heart: Caller ID is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. With apologies to Ben Franklin, yet again.
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I only answer the phone if I really feel like talking. To you.

And I would never answer the phone if I happen to be in the middle of ‘something’, which in my case is usually a colossal dump.

So naturally, I (wrongly) assume that everyone on the planet thinks the same way and if someone I know takes my call there might be a slight willingness to, I don’t know, TALK for a few minutes.
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Occasionally I have to call people I don’t know for work. Lately it’s been to introduce myself to journalists who cover the trading software industry.

“Hi, this is Heather S______ from T_____, do you have a few minutes to talk about blah blah de blah blah?”

It’s a courtesy.

Nothing’s worse than a sales rep or some other ass-headed schmo who calls you and launches into a long-winded pitch without asking if you’re in the middle of ‘something’ or not.
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There’s another version of this peeve that is equally, well, peeving:

“Hi, what’s up?”

“Hey, how are you?”

“Good, you called?”

“Yes, how are you?”

“Why did you call?”

“Just to talk.”

“Well I can’t talk right now, can I call you back?”

Then WHY the FUCK did you . . .oh never mind.
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I am listening to: Sugar Ray – Answer the Phone
I am reading: WWE by Ken Follett
And I am: Peeved

8 comments:

Posolxstvo said...

Wouldn't it be awesome if caller I'd could tell you not just who is calling but what the subject is?

For example, if my sister calls and just wants to chat is going to be met with a different amount of enthusiAsm than say she wants one of my kidneys or she needs rent money.

Dave said...

Worst of all: you are at a commercial establishment dealing with the salesperson, clerk, etc. The phone rings and said person answers, not putting the caller on hold, but dealing with them, while you wait.

Susan said...

Then I guess I am a big offender of bad phone etiquette. I would rather answer, and not have them jump thru all of the hoops of leaving a voicemail, to let them know I will call them right back...

That makes sense in my mind – although I know of that you are definitely not fond.

A blonde

Hedy said...

I forgot about that one, Dave. That's the prime example of the phone peeve. Susan: I'd much rather leave you a message than feel like I'm interrupting something important. Also, if what you're doing is REALLY important, you might not remember that I called. Voice mail is good for that. :)

the dilf said...

you people ever hear of Text Messaging?

Hedy said...

DILF: You're just crabby because I talked about colossal dumps today. Get over it.

Gledwood said...

ooo don't talk about Britney Spears... what is WRONG with that "lady"..?

Anonymous said...

Call waiting is absolutely the dumbest and rudest invention ever devised. It leaves the reciever the choice of who they think is the most important to talk to at the time, which is rude and insulting to the person who gets dropped. Stupid.
Spears is insane and a nymphomaniac. ie a nut slut.
While on the subject, how long will it take for Hanna Montana to get pregnant.