Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The devil craves Vicodin, the angel takes Advil

"Would you like some Vicodin or Codeine for the pain?" asks the young and lovely Dr. Patel at Urgent Care this morning.

TAKE IT. YES. YOU NEED VICODIN. YOU LOVE VICODIN. VICODIN IS YOUR FRIEND. GET THE VICODIN. NOW. GET IT. NOW.

That would be the wily little devil camped on my right shoulder.

Now, Hedy, the Advil is working just fine. You don't need anything stronger. And do you really want the temptation of Vicodin, which Jim calls your Bitch Pills, in the house again? Remember what you went through getting off that stuff after your knee surgeries? Be smart. Be like Nancy Reagan. Say no.

Imagine harp music playing while the angel buzzing my left ear talks me down from the splendid and tempting offer for heavy drugs.

"No, thanks, the Advil is enough," I say, with a tiny bit of regret.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, we almost made it two years," says Jim just now.

Yep. Injury-free for almost two years.

Tip: If you're going to fall and would like to maximize your embarrassment/horrification, do it right outside Union Station during rush hour where everyone congregates on benches.

If I hadn't been so shocked by suddenly sucking on the sidewalk, I would've leaped up and yelled "TA-DA!"

A few friendly tourists helped me up and offered me beer.

"How could you tell they were tourists?" asks Jim.

"Well, they had British accents and...they helped me up and offered me beer."

So I have a bruised bone at the base of my thumb. It's covered by a nifty black wrist brace, for broadcasting my bumbliness.

And the angel is doing back flips while the devil is flipping me off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Angel to You, Devil to Me - The Click Five
I am reading: My interview with Playboy's EVP of Interactive
And I am: Taking Advil

10 comments:

molly gras said...

I certainly hope you took the Brits up on their offer of a frothy happy beverage!

I sure as hell would of ... embarassed or not!

I sincerely hope you're mending nicely (but no more hand jobs for Jim for a while!)

Susan said...

Poor Hedy...just this morning?

As far as Vicodin for me...I have had so much of it in my life (legally prescribed)..that it now makes me sick to my stomach, so it would not be my devil...not to say that other drugs couldn't be.

And the fall...were you trying out an Olympic gymnastic move?

and lost your groove

Anonymous said...

Life. What a concept.
Wisdom is a gift given to us by time and in that wisdom we find our "self". And when we find our "self", the devil loses her power. And the angel... he sings...

Gromit
Thank you Hedy... we'll both be better for your decision...

Hedy said...

It was last night - running to catch the 5:49 home. Bleh. Thanks to everyone for your concern. :)

phatdoggy said...

Heal up quick, and stop doing flips for the crabby, bitchy "homeless" woman. You're not 40 anymore, ya know.

Mom said...

Oh I remember it well....Hedy on Vicodin. I am so happy for Jim & Gromit that you are on Advil. I love you dearly Hedy, and hope you are feeling better soon.
Love Mom

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I wonder if the brit's had assumed that you'd already had yourself a few brews.

Feel better soon.
Vicodin--YUCK! that shit messes me up--now darvocet--that's another story.

Next time stick your thumb in your ass before you fall to protect it. lol

elizabeth

you know who said...

Ok...everyone is thinking it but they all wait for me to say it...

You're kind of a spaz aren't you..

At least this time it was a new/different Emergency Room and no one there is likely to know your full history and call the authorities. It's got to be refreshing to be in the ER and not hear: "Hedy, this is your 3rd vistit here. Is there anyone in your house you're afraid of"?

Moe Wanchuk said...

You are such a P*ssy!...

Tape an aspirin to it and act like a man!

LBB said...

At least you didn't disable your blogging thumb. Here's to quick healing.