Thursday, August 14, 2008

A jolly rogering

Here at HedyBlog, we're all about excellence in journalism.

And cock jokes.

So whether you're large or small, thick or thin, you'll say God bless Jan Vinzenz Krause, inventor of the spray-on condom.

Have you heard about this? It's called Jolly Joe.

Apparently ill-fitting condoms are the scourge of the $300 million willy wrap industry.

I seriously wouldn't know.

The closest I come (shaddap) to a condom these days is putting on the nifty rubbery case for my iPhone. It's a sick, twisted little thrill. And I do it as slowly as possible. Gently slipping the case over the hard edge, giving it a fun little snap to secure it in place...

Whew. Okay, I'm back. Sorry.

So Krause - who Time magazine compares to Edison and Ford - invented spray-on condoms.

Yep. Edison and Ford. Time Magazine.

All hell's breaking loose in Russia or Atlanta or whatever. It turns out the ancient Chinese secret is "Lie about everything, who gives a fuck, we're communists."

And leave it to Time magazine to make a headline out of protecting your cock from crotch rot.

I'm not even going to say it. It's too easy. Okay, I can't resist.

When it comes to hard news, Time is like a sore wiener: You just can't beat it.
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However, all is not well in the land of the sealed penis. Apparently the latex takes two to three minutes to dry.

More than enough time for Mr. Peeper to lose his pep, if ya know what I mean.

But no worries, ladies. Krause - who says he "felt a little like MacGyver" created clever packaging so you can diddle while your dude dries. Brilliant.
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Just a side note on the Olympics: We've got Tancock and Beavers fighting it out in the Men's 200-meter individual medley tonight.

Again. Excellence in journalism, folks.

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap.
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I am listening to: "Beavers ends the race on top of Tancock..."
I am reading: Not much
And I am: Playing with my iPhone again

6 comments:

Moe Wanchuk said...

I don't need a condom....I only go "backdoor"

Hedy said...

Say it with me, girls: "God bless Mrs. Moe."

Susan said...

Honestly Hedy...you should not have taken that new job in the River North neighborhood - writing for a "gentlemen's" magazine is what you were born to do.

very blue

p.s. - Moe.

a ho

Anonymous said...

I say this is ridiculous! Why not just put a nice coat of latex paint on the inner walls to the inner vaginal area??
Good grief... just wrap that rascal!
Dr. Grommit

Cindiloo said...

My question would be how does it breath. It gives a whole new meaning to blue balls.

Anonymous said...

Moe never said anything about Mrs. Moe. His subjects probably only have 'backdoors.' *wink*