WOW boobs

Let me take a moment to explain the WOW boobs thing from last week.

As usual, it’s not what you think.

Key West was the first time I’d experienced hot weather since the surgery in November. And it was the first time I can remember actually being comfortable in humid, hot heat.

The old boobs were really heavy – if you recall, the surgeon unloaded a whopping five lbs. from those suckers – so I was always much warmer than most people my size.

And let’s just say that boob sweat is pretty goddamn gross.
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“LOOK! No BOOBS!” I shout gleefully to the group, floating on my back in the pool at the Lighthouse Court Inn in Key West.

“Um, Heather?” says Jim, pointing behind me to an old man sporting a huge grin sitting in a lounge chair not 10 feet away.

“Sorry,” I say somewhat insincerely to no one in particular because nothing can diminish the exuberance I'm feeling at finally being able to float in a pool and see beyond what used to be the mountainous skyline that was my chest.
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No question about it: Perky is good when it comes to boobs.

But it also can be a problem.

With the old ones, I was hyper self-conscious.

Are they sticking out too far? Are they hanging too low? Is there too much cleavage showing? Is this sad, tired bra gonna finally give out from the pressure and make that unmistakable woo-WOO-woosh sound as it snaps away like a load-bearing cable on the Bay Bridge getting smashed up by Godzilla in that one movie?

These are the things you think about when you have freakishly huge boobs.
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Now I think about nothing.

Well, I think about other things besides my boobs because they’re perky and -- I'm happy to report -- somewhat self-sufficient.

The downside is that I forget about them.

This is very bad if I happen to be wearing, say, a baggy old v-neck t-shirt that doesn’t quite fit anymore. It’s particularly bad if I’m leaning forward in a conversation with a good friend (as I am wont to do) and all of a sudden she says:

“Can we take a picture of your new girls? They’re remarkable.”
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Blah blah blah blah blah, Hedy. C’mon! We, your loyal HedyBlog fans, want to see HedyBoobs!

Right. Here’s the deal with that.

You show me your stuff (including your face as proof) – and let me share it here on HedyBlog – and I’ll show you mine.

Ta-da!

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap!
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I am listening to: Dido – White Flag
I am reading: Complete & Utter Failure by Neil Steinberg
And I am: Still pretty crabby for some reason