Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dubious distinctions

Sitting in a meeting the other day, I heard this:

"He received the networker of the year award from. . ."

I'm bummed for not catching the bestower of said award, but at that point I had to tune out, my mind racing as it was.

Networker of the year? There's an award for people who make small talk with strangers while downing crappy crudites and piss-warm wine?

Who knew?

And how does one become networker of the year?

Is it based on the number of business cards collected? Name badges from inane seminars? Free plastic pens?

"That rat bastard Randy won networker of the year because I had to miss the Women's Business Associates Technology Specialists Hiring Information Executive Resources Networking Forum Hoo-Ha Roundtable Club last month. I should've just blown off mom's funeral. It's not like she woulda missed me."

I fucking hate those things. Mostly because I'm an introvert.

Well. I'm a high-functioning introvert, which means I can tolerate small talk as long as Jack Daniels is also in on the conversation.

The fact is, anyone who achieves Networker of the Year is most definitely NOT spending enough time in the office - oh, I dunno - actually DOING things that will make a DIFFERENCE.
Speaking of dubious distinctions, have you heard that Chicago is now the murder capital of the U.S.?

YAY, Chicago!



#1 in murders, capped off by the recent Jennifer Hudson family tragedy which is just off-the-charts fucked up.

What's worse - and I knew I heard this correctly but had trouble finding the quotes - is this:

Serious crime is up but arrests are down in Chicago, and some police officers say they are working the streets less aggressively out of resentment toward their new chief and fear of being second-guessed by him.

Yes, this a fairly complicated issue. Chicago cops have been working without a contract for like, 100 years, or something. And apparently someone decided it was a good idea to hire an outsider to head up the Chicago Police Department. The nerve.

Here's what I just don't get. These guys are cops, right? With guns? Tough guys trained to handle difficult, tense, incredibly dangerous situations to protect the public?


So if they're being paid to do a job (by taxpayers, nonetheless), yet they're slacking off because they don't like their boss, how does that make them anything but whiny, slacking little bitches?

Just asking.
Confession: I have a somewhat dubious distinction myself.

We know, Hedy. You're joyfully post-coital.

No, that's not it.

I make the World's Greatest Grilled Cheese Sammich.

Seriously. If ass-hats like that networker of the year can get a plaque for yapping all day, I oughtta get something for the masterful way I melt cheese between two buttered slices of bread, yes?

At least I've got Gromit's vote locked up.
Are you on LinkedIn? It's like MySpace and Facebook for fancypants executive types.

The thing that kills me is the 'Answers' forum - where curious and/or helpful folks can ask and answer questions presumably related to professional matters.

This week's Top Expert is Dave Maskin, a self-dubbed 'trade show traffic builder', who has answered a whopping 386 questions.

Yep. 386 questions.

I'm guessing he's unemployed. Or he's a 'consultant' which is workspeak for unemployed.

Anyone with enough time to answer 386 questions in one week is a) Not getting laid and b) Desperately needing to get out of the house.

Perhaps he should go to a networking hoo-ha seminar event forum club.
I am listening to: The Daily Show
I am reading: Nothing, too tired lately
And I am: All dubious and shit


you know who said...

Hedy Hedy Hedy, These people are NOT whiny, slacking little bitches...they are UNION REPRESENTED whiny, slacking little bitches, which with or without a contract makes their actions acceptable in the eyes of the federal government. For the record, a two year Union Represented Chicago Police Officer receives: 20 Vacation Days, 13 paid holidays (can you name 13 holidays? I can't), and up to 180 days of paid sick leave per year. The average benefit package in the private sector is 20 vaca days after 10 years of service, 6-8 paid holidays, and 3-6 paid sick days. The avg call-off rate within the Chicago PD is 10%. In other words out of 365 days, or 260 recognized work days in a year, the avg Chicago cop calls off 26 times. Add that to his/her vacation and holiday time, and the avg officer is on the street only 201 days per year. Your tax dollars hard at work. God Bless Organized Labor.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. It's that damned organized labor that's the problem. Caused the financial crisis - did you know that?

What is this "you know who said..." talking about. is he/she from the 1890's. Dude (or Dudette) let it go! Unions are not the problem. Focus!


Susan's Snippets said...

You Know Who, I hear you. But also keep in mind that we can fill the streets with cops, cram the schools with top-notch teachers and it still will not be significantly better until PARENTS start being held accountable for what happens or doesn't happen within their homes.

It starts when making the decision to allow a pregnancy to happen, you accept the responsibility of parenting that child properly (believe me I don't have it all down correctly!) and raising that child with boundaries and love.

It is not up to the world to parent your child.

when he or she is wild

you know who said...

Grommie you ignorant mutt. It's just a big math problem. Courtesy of their Union Bosses, the avg Chicago PD officer is receives 49 paid time off days per year. If that number was cut to 30 days like most working men and women receive in the private sector, it would eliminate the need for more than 1,000 officers. Scale back the ridiculous time-off benefit package and you can lower the staffing from 14,000 to 13,000 with the same number of uniforms on the street every day. 1st year salary for Chicago PD is 56,000. That's means Chicago could save $56 million a year if the police department had paid time off benefits similar to what most working men and women have today. Are unions a problem for our economy? You bet your furry dog ass they are.

Anonymous said...

That's it. Work 'em like a bunch of dogs!
If you think cops will do a better job by working 19 more days a year then by all means start the process of cutting benefits.
The stated problem was that Chicago is the Murder Capital of the World. And you jump on the unions and the number of vacation days the police take? Huh? That kind of thinking speaks to what is wrong with our leadership today.
I say let’s focus on the cause and not the symptoms of our problems.
Let’s really take a swing at this problem. Let’s take the millions of dollars that Oil companies spend on “goodwill advertising”...

(You’ve been seeing a lot of that lately haven’t you? – Why? - Next quarters profits will be announced soon. Very impressive! – Gotta mold that public opinion!)

Anywho...Let’s say this... "Oil Companies... you want to do some goodwill? Then take that 'goodwill advertising’ money and put it into inner city secondary education. You want to do some good? Help us with the cost of Edication!

Hey, I’m a dog. So I can’t spell. You’re lucky I know how to type!



yummy! It looks delicious!!

(ever try it on a hotdog bun?, I bet Gromit will love it!)