Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Welcome!

It’s been an interesting few days here at HedyBlog.

I’ve been called classless. Stupid. Immature.

And those are the really charming parts.

I’ve rejected more comments over the past three days than I have in the entire three year history of HedyBlog.

It’s nuts.

Aside from discovering a veritable ass-load of unhinged, angry people, here is perhaps the most interesting thing I’ve learned from all of this: There seems to be a popular misconception about why HedyBlog even exists.

Let me clarify.

I don’t write for you. Or you, either.

Let’s repeat that last part just in case you Lazy-ass Republicans didn’t catch it the first time:

I DON’T WRITE FOR YOU.

And although I am profoundly grateful for my regular readers and the great friends I’ve met through this silly hobby of mine, I don’t write for them either.

I write for me.

It doesn’t cost anything but time. It amuses me, keeps me writing and helps me figure things out.

Then why publish a blog, Hedy? Why make it public?

I started this blog because I don't like talking on the phone much and it was the easiest way to let my friends near and far know I'm still alive and cussing.

Obviously it's turned into more than 'what I did over the weekend' and, much to my unfettered delight, certain people have come to expect updates on a regular basis.

But still. I write for me. Not them. And not you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just realized the first post ever published here at HedyBlog is worth re-publishing today:

Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Welcome

"I never know what's going on with her."
"She doesn't call, she doesn't write."

Problem solved!

Welcome to Hedy's Blog.

Just to set expectations, here are a few:

1) I'll update this on a regular, yet random basis to keep you in the loop on what's going on in my world.
2) This blog is rated "R" so expect swearing (surprise!)
3) The opinions expressed here are entirely my own. If you don't agree, get your own blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well now it all makes sense, Hedy. I'm surprised you have any friends at all if you don't call or write them very often.

Yeah, I was expecting that. More ugliness. Fabulous.

If your definition of friendship involves chatting with each other 20 times a day and cuddly-wuddly sleepovers every weekend, that's GREAT.

I don't understand it, but if it works for you, that's GREAT.

That said, you probably wouldn't understand my definition of friendship, either, so let's agree not to judge each other on that and move along.

Sound reasonable?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here’s the upside to all the commentary carnage over the past few days: I’ve had a serious case of the giggles lately because it appears that all these ugly, angry comments have come from men.

Why?

My assumption is due to the other apparent misconception that I’m somehow very concerned with the number of people who visit my blog and the number of comments I receive.

"Let's see, 15 comments. Eight of them were from you, three from me. That leaves a big 4 from others. I guess the Great and Powerful Hedy is not quite as great as she thinks."

Typical male preoccupation with quantity and size.

Wait. I shouldn't generalize. It's not fair, is it?

Typical short-statured, small-penised male preoccupation with quantity and size. That's better.

Again. I write for me.

HedyBlog gets a respectable number of hits per day. If you’ve contributed a comment or two here, you know I don’t always respond. I comment on a handful of other blogs because I find them interesting and I have something useful to contribute, not because of some silly, obligatory, circle jerk quid pro quo.

Life is not a contest, folks. It doesn't matter how many hits or comments you receive, it's all about offending as many people as possible.

That was a joke.

Speaking of jokes, here's another thing I learned: Angry people are, by and large, rather humorless. And irony is challenging for them. I think it has to do with the whole tiny wiener thing. I think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What about the Lazy-ass Republicans comment? Sorry folks, but that was not a generalization on all Republicans - some of my very favorite people fly with the right wing.

It was meant for Republicans who ask silly questions (How the hell do you know what Obama is? He hasn't done anything! Tell me what he has done while senator.) when the answers are right here. And here. And here.

And don't even get me started on someone who refers to a person as a 'what'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyhoo.

If you choose to read this blog (and freedom to choose what you read is one of the very best things about living here in America, don’t you agree?) that’s great.

Thank you.

But if what I’m saying bugs you to the point where you’re firing off ugly, angry missives to someone you don’t even know, it’s time to step away from the computer and think about why you’re so angry.

Surely it can't be me. Or this silly, immature, classless blog.

Perhaps you need to get laid more often.

I know that’s why I’m angry lately. Well, that and the economy. But while both involve getting fucked, the one has nothing to do with the other. Really.

More jokey irony there, FYI. Feel free to beat me up over bein' classy with the really bad swears some more. But only if it makes you feel extra cuddly-wuddly good about yourself. And thanks, but I realize jokey isn't a word. Neither is tiny-wienered.

Also: I’m not publishing angry comments here anymore.

It’s not because I don’t like hearing other opinions, it’s because of the frightening and downright creepy nature of them.

If you’re going to make outlandish statements (He’s a socialist!) please give us all the benefit of your wisdom and provide a link or two backing it up. Otherwise, you’re wasting your time here and I’ll say it nicely this time: Please move along. Please find another place to vent. And for the sake of your loved ones, seek help for your anger management issues.

However. If you have a reasoned, interesting, thoughtful perspective on the topics covered here, your comment always will be published. Promise.

So. To summarize:

1) I don't write for you
2) I especially don't write for angry men with tiny wieners
3) If you happen to be angry and/or tiny-wienered, please stay away (a very good policy even beyond blogging, right ladies?)
4) Thank you. And welcome.

TA-DA!

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: The Daily Show
I am reading: Truth, justice and normalcy by Leonard Pitts, Jr. in the Trib
And I am: Not writing for you, either.

8 comments:

Oskar Kennedy said...

OMG naughty words on teh interwebs. What is the world coming to?

Me, I like the swearing. Real life is rarely rated anything lower than "R" for pervasive language. I hear folks on the bus use "fuck" as every part of speech. "Fuck man, I fuckin' told that fucker that I was going to fuckin' fuck his fuckin' face right the fuck up."

It's refreshing to read the writing of somebody who knows how to properly employ an expletive. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

When you get home, put on a little Frank Sinatra... maybe... yup I think "My Way" would be appropriate.
I wanna cuddle.
Gromit

fermicat said...

"Tiny-wienered" may not be a real word*, but that will not stop me from trying to use it in a sentence a few times today.

*spell check suggests "wiener ed", which makes no sense whatsoever.

kengell said...

Oh Hedy. This reminds me just a wee bit of Helena when she mocked Demetrius.

"We should be woo'd and were not made to woo."

A Midsummer Night's Dream (II, i, 242)


Thanks for the entertainment. I look forward to the 'Hedy live' version of this blog again sometime soon on the BNSF.

molly gras said...

Hedy, I love you babe! You just keep them words a'rollin!

Posolxstvo I said...

yup. separated at birth.

except for the tiny wienered part.

truthfully, i don't pay much attention to that.

and i think that you're a bit more outspoken and definitively liberal. but i love your explanation of why you write this.

snowboarder said...

Hedy, you are so entertaining. My first reaction, after cracking up, was to point out all of the hilarity in what you wrote. But, then I realized that it just isn't worth the effort, especially since you will censor what I have written anyway, because that's just what you do on your blog when someone points out things you don't want your readers to hear. Remember? Archie Bunker never even knew someone supported him earlier this week, did he? No anger and you know it. It's stilled called censorship, no matter what spin you put on it. Also, I've just grown weary of your blog.

I'm just going to hope that you're a nicer person in real life than what you show on your blog. My guess is that you probably are.

One last thing. I love your dog.

Hedy said...

Snowboarder: I'm actually a total bitch, but I published your comment because you said you love Gromit.

That was a joke, FYI.

Believe it or not, I'm glad you're still here and I hope we can (perhaps) continue a civil dialog moving forward. Thank you for being here.