Monday, October 13, 2008

Endorsements

Jeez, Hedy. Enough with the politics. We're sick of it. We're sick of bad news. And we're tired of all the negativity.

I know! So these endorsements involve two of America's favorite pastimes: Entertainment and Shopping!

YAY, America!

Movies

Freedom Writers - This is an amazing true story. A step way, way above any of the other white-teacher-makes-a-difference-in-the-projects flicks. Worlds better than Finding Forrester (my former favorite in this genre). I've watched it twice in the past 24 hours. If you watch one movie in the next two weeks, make it this one. Relatively kid-friendly with a tiny bit of violence and language, but so powerful.

Ironman - I'm more of a Merchant Ivory chick, so I don't get much from the comic book movies. But this is fun for one reason: Robert Downey, Jr. He's brilliant and captivating. A bit of violence, but again, fairly safe for kids.

The Color Purple - Hadn't watched this movie (based on Alice Walker's Pulitzer Prize winning novel) since the late 80's when, flipping through the channels, I found it a few weekends ago. It's as powerful as ever. Amazing story - amazing cast. Fuck Out of Africa. This movie should've won the Best Picture Oscar.

The Full Monty - This is like the anti-Christ of Merchant Ivory films but I love love love it. Watch it with subtitles on because the accents can be dodgy. I cry laughing over the gnome interview scene every time. In my top 10 favorites of all time.

The Queen - Speaking of Brit flicks, this film gives us a glimpse into the weird, wacky lives of the royal family immediately following Princess Di's untimely death. I don't know how accurate it is. Hellen Mirren's queen cries over a dead buck but is a cold-hearted bitch when it comes to Diana. Sad but interesting.

TV Shows

True Blood - I read Salem's Lot by Stephen King in high school. Before that, it was Detroit's Sir Graves Ghastly who lovingly introduced me to all of the classic horror flicks, including Dracula. That said, I'm not a huge fan of vampire books and flicks. That silly-ass born again twat Ann Rice ruined it for me. However. This show, written by Alan Ball -- who created Six Feet Under and American Beauty -- sucks you right in. Sorry. Still. Amazing characters and fantastic writing, but not at all kid-safe.

The Big Bang Theory - Confession: I'm a geek freak. Be smart. Make me laugh. And I'm all yours. Watch this show if you want to understand what churns my butter.

Dexter - You know those chicks who write letters to prison inmates? Although this show's serial killer (who only kills really bad people) hasn't been caught yet, I finally understand those nutty broads. Fascinating premise. Good writing. And Captain Yummy Pants, Michael C. Hall is a real killer.

Products

Apple wired keyboard - I went to Best Buy with the intention of purchasing a new Apple keyboard for my desk at work. Against my better judgment (it's a long story) I came home with the Rocketfish Bluetooth keyboard - an utterly disappointing piece of shit for several reasons: Lame set-up instructions, a virtually worthless web site, and (most important) a loud, clunky keyboard. I came home and took the time to pair the keyboard with my Mac that night rather than having to fiddle with it in the morning at work. It took six (!) times to get the Mac to recognize the keyboard and when I got in the office the next day, it didn't remember the keyboard. And yes, my Mac was set to remember the hardware. I returned to Best Buy that night and got the Apple keyboard. Soft, silent and remarkably well made. Bonus: The Apple keyboard was $10 cheaper so I had extra cash to get the Ironman DVD for Jim. So, the lesson here, kiddies: When you have the opportunity to purchase something from Apple, don't fuck around, just do it.

Pill Pockets for Dogs - Gromit is a decidedly middle-aged dog. He's on more meds than us, and that's saying a lot. And he's no fool (as you well know). You can't bury the pills in his food because he'll eat around them. Pill Pockets are perfect for providing pills to your persnickety pooch.

Gap Undies - I pretty much hate this store. The clothes are overpriced and lately they feel cheap. But I wandered in a few weeks ago and they had a sale on squirrel covers so I picked up a few. I have to say they make me feel like Gladys. Gladys, Hedy? Yes. Gladys. Glad-ass. Happy bottom. Good stuff.

The Pet Trainer - I'll never forget this. The first time little 8-week old Grommie visited the vet, his doctor told me two things: 1) I hope you didn't get this dog for protection, because he's a sweetheart and 2) He will always tell you exactly how he feels. In case you haven't noticed, Gromit can be rather outspoken. Which is a nice way of saying he has a tendency to bark his ass off. Especially if you're swimming. Or eating dinner. Or simply in the other room, ignoring him. A couple months ago Jim's mom picked up the Pet Trainer for us and it works remarkably well. It supposedly emits an ultrasonic tone that is irritating to dogs. I dunno, but every time we hit the button, Grommie squinches up his face just like Sarah Palin when Katie Couric asked about her foreign policy experience. The best part? We don't have to actually use it any more. If he gets barky, we just pull it outta the drawer and he shuts right up. Smart dog.

Dr. Feelgood's face balm - About 2 p.m. every day, my face gets about as greasy as a Mr. Beef's Italian, which is best eaten off of the sports section of the Chicago Sun-Times because Mr. Beef doesn't provide trays. Anyhow. Back at my face. It ain't just T-zone, either. It's AOFF-zone. As in All Over my Fucking Face. But no more. Dr. Feelgood - in spite of the unfortunate Crue-esque name - is fantastic. No more Mr. Beef forehead. As Jim likes to say: Just a steamin' pile o' cute.

iPhone - If God had a mobile phone, it would be the iPhone. Of course there ain't an app for talking to The Lord just yet, but I'm sure those clever buggers over at Apple will announce it soon. Email. Internet. All kinds of cool gadgets wrapped up in the easiest, most comfortable, most useful phone you could ever want. Can I get an amen? AMEN!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am listening to: Bad Things - Jace Everett
I am reading: Not much
And I am: Relaxed

4 comments:

kengell said...

clearly you are in the wrong profession (what exactly is it you do for a living? )! Think consumer reports...

FYI: just released is the iGod for your iPhone and YES it comes in other colors except white, but that would be tempting fate don't you think? "Thou shalt have no other iGod but..."

Now we have the perfect excuse for all things mental... just say "My iGod told me to do it"! Wonder what sort of ring tone one should assign to iGod? Stairway to heaven? :-)

What's next iForgiveness? - lord knows we should all download *that* application! :-)

miss kitty said...

You would be so very sorry if you ever used The Pet Trainer on a cat...

we are very agile and can get to everything that you own...which is key.

cause then we pee

CRUSTYBEEF said...

We love the Big Bang Theory over here--Walowitz!!!

molly gras said...

Hedy -
I simply love, love, LOVE reading your shit ... bring on down girl Brown!