Sunday, April 06, 2008

Only outlaws will have pillows

Did you hear? Those crazy Brits have outlawed Samurai swords, of all things.

I'm guessing it's what finally killed that old coot Charlton Heston.

"Samurai swords are part of Japanese history and genuine artifacts can change hands for large sums of money. But in recent years there has been a trade in reproductions which can be bought over the Internet for as little as £35 and they have been used in several attacks."

Several attacks? Jeez, no wonder they banned 'em.

Actually, according to this web site, there have been upwards of 80 sword attacks in England over the past four years. That's roughly 20 per year.

"Care for a spot of tea, Charles?"

"How can you think about tea at a time like this, Camilla? I'm simply overwrought by this Samurai sword crisis. It's got my smalls all scrunched."

"Let me help you with that."
According to this fascinating little tool brought to you by the CDC, there were 2,097 cut/pierce homicides per 100,000 in the United States in 2005 (the most recent stats available.)

Homicide suffocation deaths per 100,000 for the same year: 633.

Yes, I understand there are more of us silly Americans and therefore more of us silly homicidal Americans.

But Charlton Heston is DEAD, people.

And when pillows are outlawed, only the outlaws will have pillows. Seriously. Moses has left the building so there's no one left to protect us from the bleeding-heart Brits and Michael 'I'm a fat retard' Moore types.

So I say use your guns to protect your pillows and swords, and don't give up without a fight.

Now I'm off to get a new bumper sticker.

It'll be 'You will take my pillow when you pry it from my cold dead hand' or 'Charlton Heston is My (dead) President.'
I am listening to: The Chris Matthews show
I am reading: Everything
And I am: Re-loading


the dilf said...

My bumper sticker says..."Anybody but Hillary...2008"